18 Reasons Why I Can't Buy That Cute Clutch
I was shopping the other day and saw this great clutch. It wasn't tiny, it was actually substantial. As I was eyeing it the shop owner came over and said, "Isn't that bag great? You should get it." I smiled politely and continued to look. "You know, I can give you 15% off that bag if you want it," she said. "We're trying to make room for Spring stuff." "I really can't, but thanks," I said. I brought the dress I was buying for my niece over to the register. "You sure you don't want that clutch?" the woman asked. As I struggled to find my wallet in my gigantic bag, I took some things out and put them on the counter:
A quart-sized bag of Legos and other small toys
Small first aid kit with character Band-Aids, ointment, Children's Tylenol
Makeup bag the size of a small purse crammed with makeup that I don't have time to put on
Umbrella - NYC habit I can't let go of even though I drive a car now and never use it
Asthma inhaler plus bazooka-sized spacer that goes with it
Airplane barf bag (I once caught my daughter's vomit at a baseball game as it was about to rain down on 10 people on the bleacher's below)
Emergency lollipops - open wrapper in cases of embarrassing public meltdown
Several fold-up nylon shopping bags so I don't use plastic
Sunglass case containing tampons (because I'm sneaky-stylish, and because no one wants to put a tampon with a torn wrapper up their hoo-ha)
Sunglass case containing sunglasses
Napkins from Starbucks in case I run out of tissues
And finally…my wallet, which is big enough to hold all my store/credit/gift cards plus health insurance and prescription cards for me, my son, my daughter, my foster son and my elderly father.
"And that's why I can't buy that clutch," I said.
"Point taken," she said, and rang up the dress.