The Kardashians Keep Christmas Classy (Not.)
Hurray! The moment you've all been waiting for is finally here - the Kardashians have released their family Christmas card! The card shows family matriarch Kris Jenner in a shiny turquoise dress, looking directly at the camera as if the photographer behind it has just crossed 3 lanes of traffic to cut her off, causing her to miss her exit. The rest of the family, apparently too afraid to endure her wrath, looks away in various directions as if they are pondering the meaning of life.
They all look ridiculous.
Well, except for Lamar Odom. He only looks borderline ridiculous, but that's because he's tall, brown, bald, and plays in the NBA - he gets a pass.
There are so many things wrong with this photo that I can't even begin to go into them all. But hey, where's the fun in that - so here I go with the old college try.
Can someone tell me why are they all in menswear? Kim looks ridiculous, Kourtney's backside looks like it needs it's own zipcode (and not in a good way), and the two younger girls whose names we can hardly remember because they have yet to steal jewelry or make a sex tape just look entirely too old for their age. Heck, at 16 I was barely allowed to wear loose powder and lipgloss, much less platform pumps and cat eye-like eyeliner. If this is what it stopped me from turning into, then I'd like to take this opportunity to say thanks, mom.
Glaringly obvious is the fact that Kim is alone. Do you think that they had to photoshop out Kris Humphries, or do you think they just had to do a reshoot? I'm so glad that they put her front and center so that we can continue to be reminded about her 72 day cash cow -- I mean 72 day marriage. You can almost hear her chanting in her head "I am single but I am strong. I am single but I am strong." Don't worry Kim, I'm sure your producers are already planning your next engagement, so you'll have something new to focus on soon.
At least little Mason looks cute. We could never pick on that kid. At least not for another 16 years or so.
Of course, as all good holiday greetings should, this card comes in a 3D version as well - you know, to enlarge the already generous backsides of all of the women. Naturally, it also serves to remind you that, even though you may feel as if you can reach out and touch the Kardashians you'll never be quite as ridiculous and overexposed as they are.
We're pretty sure that is a good thing.
So, Happy Holidays from the Kardashians. We can always rely on them for a dose of holiday cheer, goodwill, and joy. Or, at least, excess, drama, and short-lived marriages - which is almost as good.