Beauty Gadgets That Should Exist, but Don't

The other day a good friend sent me a link to an item she'd seen on TV, and almost ordered for me. You see, she's aware of one of my most shameful predilections: I like to clean my ears with a Q-Tip. (Full disclosure: I've been known to try to excavate the ears of my loved ones, too. Shameful, I know.)

 
And yes, I know the old adage about 'never put anything smaller than your elbow in your ear' and how the ears generally need no extra assistance when it comes to cleaning. In fact, most docs will tell you that jamming a cotton swab in the ear can make things worse and can be dangerous. To my credit, I am very, very, very careful. I never clean beyond the very outer portion.

And yet, I can't help myself! I'm sure I'm not alone—when I saw an ad for a rather absurd ear-cleaning gadget called the WaxVac, I became even more convinced of this fact. True to the snappy name, it's a small, battery-operated tool that helps you suck out ear wax and dirt.

• Hair How-To: 7 Uber Glam Holiday Tutorials
• Fall 2012 Trend Watch: Burgundy
• Dark, Earthy and Neutral: Fall’s Trendiest Nail Polish Colors

The ad is rather hilarious—mostly I just love the screeching YELP! from the man in the opening frames of the video— but the item itself makes me giggle too. It literally looks like a small power drill you insert in your ear, albeit with colorful silicone tips. Another aspect that gives me pause: It's only $10 but S&H is a full $7. What??

And beyond all this, it got me imagining some other "As Seen on TV" health and beauty aids that should exist but don't. (YET)

The PimpleWimple: A jaunty head and neck drape you can use to conceal unsightly blemishes.

The MoleCoal: A small dab of carbon rock you can paste over an undesirable beauty mark.

The FatCat: A friendly feline you can place atop your head so no one notices your extra poundage.

The NoseRose: A beautiful bloom you can use to camouflage over your excessively large proboscis.