Advice for Royal New Mom Kate
The royal baby has arrived and as a mother of five kids, I thought the Duchess of Cambridge (AKA first time mom) could use some advice.
1. Babies don't seem to cry at all at the hospital. Yes, they are peaceful little crumpets in the hospital nursery and then all hell breaks loose once you bring them home. You can try feeding them, rocking them and driving them around in a horse-drawn carriage to calm them down. But if all else fails, drop them at Camilla's palace.
2. Even a royal infant will at some point pee in his own face. And probably the Duchess of Cambridge's face too. So be careful when changing him. Some common moms register for the Pee Pee Teepee which I'm sure is sold at the Buckingham Palace gift store.
4. You will be exhausted, overwhelmed and will barely have time to fit in a shower. Oh wait - you have servants. Never mind. You will be none of those things.
5. Don't be worried when your baby makes funny grapefruit faces. This is normal. Only be concerned if he starts to look like this...
6. Your new son might have his days and nights confused. Although it can be frustrating to have a newborn wide awake at night, don't give in to temptation and allow him to go out and party with Prince Harry.
7. Parents specialize in empty threats. So it's never too soon to start practicing this... "Stop throwing your food or you will NOT be third to the throne."
8. Don't worry about pacifier addiction. You know the old saying... "I've never seen a King of England sucking on a pacifier." True words indeed.
9. Do not under any circumstances accept an invitation to join Kim Kardashian's new mom playgroup.
10. Every mom thinks their newborn son is a prince. So don't rub it in that yours actually is one.