Jerry Seinfeld and I Are Slaves to Our Kids’ Ridiculous Bedtime Rituals
How long does it take to get your kids to bed each night? Do you follow some cockamamie ritual that incorporates 17 stories, teddy bear arranging, drinks of water, potty visits, warm hugs, butterfly kisses, pecks on the cheek, hand holding, pillow fluffing and coaxing? I do!
My husband and I have to stay in our kids’ bedrooms until they fall asleep. You know that fictional story “Go the F*** to Sleep”? I recite it in my head each and every single night. All I want to do is go downstairs and watch “House of Cards” with my husband and yet, we are prisoners.
It started when my son was a toddler and once we went down that road, we never returned. And then my daughter came along. You’d THINK that maybe, just maybe we wouldn’t have made the same mistake twice. Nope! Not us dummies.
Jerry Seinfeld appeared on “The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon” this week and spoke about how ridiculous his kids’ nighttime routines are.
“The bedtime routine for my kids is like this Royal Coronation Jubilee Centennial of rinsing and plaque and dental appliances and the stuffed animal semi-circle of emotional support. And I've gotta read eight different moron books. You know what my bedtime story was when I was a kid? Darkness!”
How have I gotten myself into this mess and more importantly, how can I get out of it?