Just for Me
My Dream To Be an Olympic Athlete
The Olympics are about to begin.
Which of course means I will once again have that deep longing to be an Olympic athlete.
I can do it this time around, I promise myself. I'll get up at 4 in the morning and hit the gym. I'll dedicate every waking hour to training and honing my skills to perfection. When my kids demand things like snacks, water and entertainment, I'll say, "Not now children! Can't you see that mommy is becoming an Olympic athlete?!" They will immediately put aside their needs and watch with pride as their mother goes for the gold.
My first step of course is to pick a sport.
Gymnastics is an obvious choice because I can still do a pretty sweet cartwheel. But I just looked up the median age of a gymnast and it is unfortunately not 40 something.
Well, how about the equestrian competition? 71-year-old equestrian Hiroshi Hoketsu is competing in London this summer and he's like a billion years older than me! Score!! Except I'm not really a horse person. I consider myself more of a miniature pony at the local fair kind of girl. Or better yet, I like those carousel horses. People rarely fall off of those.
Fencing is out since I got a C+ in fencing in high school. Seriously, shouldn't just showing up in gym class get you at least a B in fencing?! No, I'm not still bitter. Why do you ask?
Synchronized swimming sounds super fun. Except I get so cold in the pool that I don't like to stay in too long. They really need a speed synchronized swimming category.
Beach volleyball would be a blast but there is no way, post four children, I'm wearing one of those skimpy volleyball bikini outfits. Do you think a muumuu would hinder my volleyball skills? I'm thinking not because I don't have any volleyball skills! Bonus!!
Great. So I've found my sport. Beach muumuu volleyball.
Now I only need to find a coach, a place to train, perfect the sport, compete in regional, national and international competitions, ultimately secure a spot on the Olympic team, obtain sponsors like the National Association of Muumuu Wearers and become an Olympic champion!
I'm suddenly so exhausted.
Maybe I'll just sit on my couch, eating candy, drinking wine and cheering for the athletes. I could totally win a gold medal in couch cheering.