When I Grow Up, I will be a successful Thanksgiving Day Host
When you're a kid, you think you are going to grow up one day and know how to cook a turkey.
It's a natural assumption. You're young. You're naive. You see people cooking turkeys. You think to your kid self, "Someone is totally going to teach me that." Except maybe that someone (like your mom) is more into yoga and self help books and less into big farm birds.
And so you find yourself at the age of 42 completely without turkey cooking knowledge.
Which is not a problem on your average Wednesday in June. But suddenly it is an issue because someone (yes, that previously mentioned yoga gal) volunteered you to host Thanksgiving.
So now I am in a panic.
I've only hosted Thanksgiving once. It was more than a decade ago and my co-host did most of the work. Okay, all of the work. You might know her. Her name is Whole Foods.
But this time, I'm taking charge. I don't need Whole Foods. No, I do not. Because I have a different co-host this time around and her name is Delegation. Watch me in action.
My sister (who is someone who did learn how to cook!) and her husband are doing the big bird (no affiliation with PBS). And the stuffing.
My dad is bringing the pies. And dad, for the third time, do not bring a key lime pie. No one eats key lime pie on Thanksgiving. I'm serious. (Oh, he's totally bringing key lime pie.)
My mom is bringing an appetizer and a reading from one of her self help books.
My aunt, who usually hosts but is slacking this year in an obvious effort to bring me pain and suffering, is bringing a vegetable puree.
My other aunt is bringing a side dish. And her 5-year-old twins. The side dish would really be enough. But some people are very generous.
And I'm making a salad. Plus handling a few easy appetizers. And buying alcohol and the cranberry sauce. And renting an extra table. And buying some of those cinnamon pine cones to adorn the table.
Did you see how I did that?
I'm not actually cooking anything at all.
And that is how you host Thanksgiving.