Just for Me
Tweets I'd Never Actually #Tweet... Except Here!
Have you ever started to compose a status update or tweet, then stopped mid sentence because whatever you were about to say could be inappropriate, misconstrued, misunderstand, or just sound plain dumb?
Hello, welcome to my world. On a daily basis, there are at least a dozen things I'd like to say but I don't. Well, it's your lucky day, because today I'm feeling ballsier than ever and would like to vent said thoughts here. I've compiled a list of tweets/status updates, hash tags and straight up confessions that I'll never actually say anywhere... but here.
It's like stream of consciousness, only in 140 characters or less... or more in this case. I have a lot to get off my chest. #Aren'tYouLucky
Humble Brag: A guy outside of Starbucks stopped me randomly to tell me I was in great shape. That I had great body... #WhoCaresThatHeWasHomeless
Yes, darling. Your farting really endears me to you and I'm so lucky that you feel so comfortable "letting loose" with me. #CanYouSMELLMySarcasm
I like when my child is at school. #ParentsAgainstSpringSummerWinterPresidentialHolidaysBreak
Today during my workout, I made a mental note of all the asses I never want to have. #TalkAboutMotivation
If we're being honest, I repinned your pin, retweeted your tweet, and liked your update because I need something from you. #JustSayin
Dear preschool moms, volunteering makes me want to cry. #DoIHaveTo?!
Today was so busy! I hardly could get anything done! So Many emails and phone calls to return. Grr! #OfCourseISawYourPhoneCallAndOfCourseILetItGotoVoiceMail #DealWithIt
Today I pulled a whisker out of my cheek which was NOT there 3 hours prior. #AwesomeApparently35IsTheNew90
I always get nervous when people start talking about the elections. Political discussions can get SOOOOO tricky at dinner parties! #TheTruthIsISaidNothingBecauseIHaveNoIdeaWhatI'mTalkingAboutExceptThatI'mARegisteredDemocrat
Tonight I'm gonna have the hottest sex ever. #JustWantedToMakeSureIHadYourAttentionStillKeepReading
Girl's night was fun. It is SO great connecting with old friends and hearing about what everyone's up to. #LuckyBitches
Do you ever get scared the people (ex girlfriends) you're stalking on twitter or facebook actually know you're stalking them? #WorstNightMare
There's nothing better than coming home to tiny hands giving you a squeeze after a long day of work. #OhWaitComingHomeToABigGlassOfWineAndGiantDishOfPastaIsUpThereToo
If my son asks me if "we're there yet" one more time, is pulling over and letting him walk until HE's there yet appropriate? #OhPleaseYou'veThoughtAboutThisToo
I get serious satisfaction out of picking my nose, which makes me feel like a total hypocrite when I constantly tell my son to get his finger out of his nose. #Can'tThinkOfAHashtagThatWillMakeMeNotSoundGrossAfterThatOhWell