Breast Milk Flavored Lollipops Are For Suckers
Photo from Lollyphile.com
What do you get when you cross the most nourishing food for a baby with the least nourishing food for a baby? A breast milk lollipop, the hot new seller from candy maker Lollyphile in Austin, TX.
Moms, before you start worrying about potential health code violations and the ethics of sharing breast milk, l should tell you that these lollies are only breast milk flavored. First ingredient sugar, second ingredient corn syrup. They’re technically vegan.
So if the lollipops have no nutritional value, why bother making them taste like something only babies and toddlers enjoy? Lollyphile founder Jason Darling (not a parent) says he was impressed by the soothing effect breast milk had on his friends’ kids: “My friends were actually producing milk so delicious it could turn a screaming, furious child into a docile, contented one. I knew I had to capture that flavor.”
I have a few theories on why breast milk calms kids down, and none of them have to do with flavor. Actual breast milk contains hormones known to be relaxing. Plus it quenches thirst, sates hunger, and frequently involves a long, delicious snuggle in mommy’s arms. (I miss those days.)
Not so with a candy lollipop, which isn’t so much calming as distracting, like a new toy or a cookie. “Here kid, stop screaming and have a lollipop!” works whether the flavor is breast milk or grape. And 15 minutes later, the ensuing sugar rush will produce behavior that is anything but calm.
In my opinion, if a kid is young enough to remember the taste of breast milk, he’s too young to be snacking on lollipops. Have you ever seen a toddler getting dental work? We’re talking general anesthesia. So not worth it. It’s not like tiny kids even have sugar cravings yet. I have a toddler; most of the time (with the exception of birthday parties) she is perfectly happy getting her fix from a bowl of blueberries.
If Lollyphile is using its faux breast milk gimmick to market candy to babies and toddlers, they should be ashamed of themselves. But I don’t think that’s their real agenda. The company’s other lollipop flavors, like Absinthe and Wasabi-Ginger (which sound kind of awesome) are clearly targeted to trendy young adults.
Maybe the real consumers for breast milk lollipops are curious grownups who haven’t sampled the real thing in quite some time. I can’t decide if that’s nostalgic or pervy, but it bothers me a lot less than peddling corn syrup to kids.
Would you give your child a breast milk lollipop?