Death By Coffee Mug
Just when you thought you had to keep your kids safe from guns, knives and other dangerous weapons comes a news story that literally had me rolling with laughter yesterday. It's the story of Lois Goodman, a US Open tennis umpire who was just arrested for bludgeoning her husband to death with a coffee cup!
The 70 year old woman in question bears a striking resemblance to Dr. Ruth and Shirley Maclaine and she seemed pretty perturbed that she was brought into custody right when she was going to start calling double faults at Arthur Ashe Stadium. According to her neighbors, Lois is quite the crab apple -- or Farbissina Punim (sour puss) as someone with a basic grasp of Yiddish would prefer to call it. The bottom line is this: Lois must have been pretty annoyed at her husband to have conked him over the head with a coffee cup and then literally left him for dead.
While I was talking about the case today with my mother -- who happens to be the same age as Lois Goodman, we both admitted that sometimes, we would like to throw a coffee mug at our husbands. My mom in particular has been married for 50 years so I would totally give her a pass if she got pissed off one day and decided to hurl Dad's favorite New York Yankees mug in his direction. Of course, she'd never do it, but when your spouse drives you to the point of insanity, sometimes you just want to throw something. In this case, the woman should have thrown the mug at the wall instead of at her husband's temporal lobe. Then maybe she'd be back on the courts doing what she loves -- which according to some of the biggest players on the circuit is make tennis players pretty miserable. According to news reports, in her more than 30 year career as an umpire, the woman has traded barbs with John McEnroe and Andre Agassi among many others. Who knew that being a tennis umpire could be such a thankless and bitter profession?
While I'd never want to see anyone lose their life after being bludgeoned by a coffee cup, I do have to say, this is one murder case that would make a great Lifetime Movie. Here's hoping Shirley Maclaine throws her hat into the ring and shows the world what really went on behind closed doors in Lois Goodman's house. I guess her husband would have been much safer if they had switched to tea.