For the Love of God, put your Pants on, Miley
You know you’re getting old when the main thought you have while watching the performers on MTV’s Video Music Awards' show is this: “Gross. Somebody ought to call that poor child’s mother.” Or at least that’s how I felt last night when I saw ex-Disney star Miley Cyrus on stage acting like she and her tongue were suffering from some kind of sleazy demonic possession.
Admittedly, I watched the entire thing with one eye closed, but here’s what I saw her do: show us her tongue, sing? maybe?, twerk (which is a dance move that basically entails squatting, sticking your behind out and thrusting like a wildebeest in heat), stick her face in the rather large caboose of a back-up dancer, strip to a bikini, grab her crotch, rub her crotch with a foam finger and then rub co-performer Robin Thicke’s crotch with the same foam finger.
Rumor has it that the foam finger is currently hooked up to a drip of broad-spectrum antibiotics and morphine in the Brooklyn Hospital Center's ICU.
Of course it couldn't be more obvious that Miley is trying to show the world she’s no longer little Hannah Montana and she’s now a mature, experienced, hard core, sexually active woman of 20. I completely get that she and her handlers had the spectacle all planned out, both for the shock value and headlines it would generate. And I know there are probably a lot of people who loved her little freak show. But still.
As someone who is old enough to be her mother (omg---that just made me think of sleeping with Billy Ray), I have to wonder if Miley couldn’t find a slightly more nuanced way of showing her independence. I know that some of her peers, like Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato, have successfully started their adult careers without acting like total nut job escapees from a convent (well, maybe that didn't last too long), but couldn’t she at least try? Or will we all have to deal with seeing her tongue on display for a few more years?
I don't know, but I hope Miley gets all of this rebelliousness out of her system while still keeping her own personality (albeit one that’s maybe a little less creepy). I would hope that her mother has told her what I've told my own kids: the best way to grow up and be taken seriously by the world is to show that you’re worthy of respect.
And humping someone wearing a bear costume might not be the best way to do that.