Army Wives

3 Ways to Worry Less When Your Husband is Deployed

Posted on April 20, 2012 - 12:00:00 by

As a military spouse, I spend a lot of time worrying about my husband’s safety. Perhaps I worry more often than other military spouses because I also have a fear of flying—and my husband spends lots of time in airplanes.

Worrying is par for the course when your man is in the military because the job he does is dangerous. It’s more dangerous than, say, being an accountant or an architect. I’m constantly wishing my husband had a boring civilian desk job. When I express my desire for him to live a vanilla life, he lovingly reminds me that danger is everywhere. He could get in a car accident on his way to the office. Nice, honey. Way to taunt the worrier.

However, I’ve learned over the years that it is possible to worry a teeny bit less while my husband is deployed. Here’s how I do it.

1. Be flexible.

I’ve learned that I can’t hold my husband to a schedule when he’s away. Sometimes things just come up on the other side of the world that require his attention. So if he says he’s going to call me on a Tuesday night, I’ll start the evening with the mindset that he might not call. If I’m rigid about expecting a call and my phone doesn’t ring, my first reaction is to worry that something terrible happened to him. But if I remain flexible, I’ve already given him permission to not call—and for me to not worry.

2. Be busy.

I try not to sit at home waiting for my husband to call because I know he can reach me on my cell phone if I don't pick up the landline. When he's gone, I keep my calendar as filled as possible. Lunches. Manicures. Movie dates. Anything to pass the time and occupy my mind. There’s less room for worry when you’re doing something fun with friends. Now that I have a baby, I plan lots of playdates and child-friendly activities to keep us both busy.

3. Don’t watch the news

My husband gave me this advice. Journalists don’t have all of the details and are not necessarily reporting on the facts. (Personally, I don’t think the news should be allowed to report on military missions at all.) Watching the evening news might only lead to worrying about things that don’t need to be worried about. So I turn off Brian Williams whenever my husband’s away.

How do you worry less when your spouse is deployed?