6 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Use Sex as a Reward/Punishment in Your Marriage
Perhaps because I've never seen sex with my husband as anything but an act of my love for him-- and something I would never withhold or engage in for any other reason but to express that love - the thought of using it as a punishment or as a reward has never crossed my mind. Although truth be told, I HAVE on occasion said to him after a particularly amorous evening, “you owe me”. Of course his "payment" is often in the form of him walking our dog or emptying a dishwasher!
I polled several women about the topic - here's what they had to say:
Jennifer Quillen: I would withhold sex as a punishment...but as luck would have it, I'm the one with the bigger sex drive so I'd only be punishing myself!
Deborah Goldstein: If only. After 18 years together, "I'll get up and make the kids breakfast" works better than anything else.
Shana Dieli: Not as a rule no but makeup sex is awesome.
Anonymous: Well...NOT having sex is a reward for me (kidding, kinda) I don’t use it as either although I have been known to offer bjs in order to get stuff done around the house.
Lee Reyes-Fournier: It’s stupid. When we withhold sex as a punishment it is like we are treating our spouse like a bad puppy. Sex should never be used as a weapon to get what you want because it corrupts it. So if you withhold it for when he's bad, are you rewarding him when he's good? Your relationship becomes unsafe and when you do this, you are saying that all bets are off. I will hold my hoohoo hostage if I don't get what I want. The silly part is that you are punishing yourself as well. Now, if you are angry with him, you should not have sex. That is not a punishment. That is that you don't feel like having sex. Get your priorities straight. Is your goal to get what you want or to be happy?
Kat Robertson: Never. Ever. It's not my job to punish my husband - he's a grown man. If he does something that upsets me, I communicate that to him by using WORDS. Being passive aggressive with him by taking away what fulfills him is not only immature but it also sets us up for even more problems down the road. That would be equal to him withdrawing from me and refusing to fulfill me emotionally because I did something to upset him. As two people who vowed to love, honor, cherish, obey, have and hold one another through whatever life may bring, it should be understood that we continue to fulfill one another emotionally and physically even - and especially - when things aren't perfect. That's how we get back on track.