Are You Friends With Your Husband?
I know that sounds like a strange question. Of course you are! That’s why you married him. Right? I love my husband. We’ve been friends since we were 16. I could always talk to him about anything, we liked the same things, we just clicked. I always considered him to be my best friend. He understood me.
So why would I ask this question? This weekend I realized something, that I missed my husband as a friend. We’ve been married for 5 years, but during those 5 years we’ve had 2 kids. It’s been busy. We do things together as a family, we still make time for each other and go on date nights, so what’s the problem? He’s my husband, my partner, my soul mate, but is he my friend?
I know he will be there for me if I really needed him, but am I treating him like a friend. Or is he just my husband and I’m his wife. Yes, I believe that should mean the same thing-you should always be friends with your spouse, but in reality I think it starts to get blurry, especially when you don’t take the time to pay attention. I think we get so caught up that our world becomes about the family, the kids, just keeping up with life rather than just each other. Which isn’t a bad thing, it’s wonderful to have a family and keep your life in order, but just being with each other and around each other doesn’t necessarily mean you are nurturing your friendship.
Sometimes I feel like we just go from thing to thing. We talk about the kids, we talk about bills, we talk about the house, we plan vacations together, we go on date nights. When did I go from being an exciting friend to just a wife and a mom! I started to take a deeper look at the differences.
Do married couples get in a rut? Do we do things together, but forget to just check in and just chat? Do we become so consumed with work, responsibilities, the kids’ schedules that it’s hard to be there for each other? What were we like before we had kids? Even though my husband and I have been making time for each other, was it quality time? I guess since I believe we are close I just take for granted that I know what’s going on in his life and that I’m being a good friend.
It’s harder to find quality time when you have young children, that isn’t meant as an excuse, it just is sometimes. Adult conversations seem to go out the door when kids are around and giving each other time to do the things we love often means the other is with the kids.
This year I am learning to make myself more of a priority and along with that is nurturing my friendship with my husband. Do you feel like you could be a better friend? How do you and your husband stay connected?