How Important is Sex in Your Marriage?
When you first met your husband the magnetism between the two of you generated enough electricity to power a light bulb. You could simply look at each other and the intense feelings of lust, infatuation and the newness of it all kept the two of you on a steady all sex, all the time routine. Of course, this “let's get together in the biblical sense and hump like bunnies” whenever the mood dictated, was fairly easy. There were no little ones crawling into bed with you at 10 pm on the button, like clockwork, seven nights a week. And those mid-afternoon romps were not punctuated by having to dash out to pick up one of your kidlets from a play date-- or host having to host rugrats at your own play date.
Let's face it-- sex, when you've got kids, becomes a lot less spontaneous than it was pre-babies. You have to schedule it in to those precious twenty minutes between the time you've tucked your kids into bed and the time one of those kids will inevitably be back in your bed.
I don’t know about you, but for me personally, especially since having kids, my time to reserve for the big O is incredibly limited. So more than anything, GOOD sex with my husband is about the emotional connection we make during that time as well as the physical. (I’m not entirely sure my husband or any other married man would agree but I digress.) I've always been the type of chick who needs to be "warmed up" pre-sex, my husband, of course, can just jump right in with two feet and needs about one minute of prep time- yet another difference between men and women.
I've always seen sex with my husband as an extension of the love I feel for him -- and the act of doing it is by far the physically closest we can be to one another, in a literal and figurative sense. It's important; it’s a way of reestablishing an intimacy that only the two of you share. It's a way of refreshing that twinkle in each other’s eyes, of reigniting infatuation and lust in your relationship. And while we can and have gone for weeks not "doing it", when we finally get around to it we always look at each other and laugh afterwards and say, "Wow that was so easy. Why don’t we do this more often?!"
So I asked Dr. Joni Frater and Esther Lastique, co-authors of “Love Her Right: The Married Man’s Guide to Lesbian Secrets For Great Sex!” for their opinion on how important sex in a marriage is and here is their take.
“When we make a habit of not being romantic and sexual, it becomes very easy to walk away from that side of ourselves. It’s also a scary proposition to build that bridge back to one another once the distance has been created. Remember the passion and love that brought you together and fight for it. Make romance your priority and your whole family will be happier and healthier.”
They offer these two tips to keep your romantic embers burning, which of course will only enhance your sex life. And BIG Disclaimer: I have tried them and I'll tell you they work!
The Magic Daily 10 Minutes
Dr. Frater and Ms. Lastique suggest that every day, couples set aside 10 minutes to be completely alone, with no interruptions. That includes television, phones, and kids.
During these ten minutes, you can talk about any topic that does not cause you stress; That means no talk about the kids, work, in-laws or money – and instead discuss topics that help you get to know each other again.
Is there a new restaurant you want to try, a language you want to learn, a fantasy vacation you want to take, a vision of what retirement might look like? Find out what dreams and goals your partner has today – chances are they might be different than the last time you asked.
Commit to Making “Date Nights” With Your Partner
The easiest, fastest and cheapest way to transform your relationship is to revitalize your sexual connection. To do that with kids in the picture means setting boundaries and teaching the kids to respect them. You will all be happier for it.
So tell us how important is sex in your marriage?