In The News
I'm All For Older Men and Younger Women Shacking Up But This is Creepy
Coming from a woman like me who writes a blog called Married my Sugar Daddy this might be a little like the pot calling the kettle black, but the recent news of a 41 year old teacher leaving his wife and kids for his former 18 year old student even had me creeped out.
Let me give you a little perspective-- it's true my husband and I are 15 years apart. But when we met I was 23 years old and fully legal, as opposed to being barely out of high school, and I was working full time and living in my own apartment (true I had THREE other roommate's but I digress).
My husband was 38 years old and we were two consenting adults. Do I admit that I had a bit of a daddy complex and that I was looking for someone older and established. Yes. But we all have mental checklists we refer to when choosing suitors, and while some may have a man who is 6 foot one as a requirement, one of my non-negotiables was finding a man who had acquired a level of life experience and confidence, which in my opinion can only be obtained through the experience of life and having lived on this planet for a certain number of years.
So did I consciously set out to marry a man 15 years my senior? No not consciously, but I also don't think there was anything salacious or- for lack of a better term-creepy about our relationship. We met one another when we were both adults who had already spent time immersing ourselves in normal adult worthy pursuits like; paying our own bills and acquiring higher levels of education.
We were both entering this relationship from an equal playing field- albeit he had a bit more money and life experience than I, nonetheless we were still two consenting adults .
Which brings me to the recent news of a 41-yr-old teacher who has left his wife and three kids for his teen student whom he met when she was only 14 years old. While he denies any criminal intent or wrongdoing, if that is the case, why did he quit his job and what about a photo allegedly showing the teen girl student sitting on his lap while he was still her teacher. So is it their 23 year age difference that bothers me? No. I think, as evidenced by my own relationship there are incredible merits one can garner from a relationship which has an age gap between the two participants.
Everyone goes into a relationship for a reason, to get certain needs met, and if your partner is meeting those needs, then more power to you. What upsets me and what I find creepy about this situation is the timing of their meeting. At 14 years old a young woman is still just on the cusp of discovering who she is and what she needs and an emotional and physical relationship with a much more mature adult, who clearly has the upper hand, can be manipulative, misleading and confusing. Clearly at 14 years old this girl was lacking something in her own life that she would interpret the advances of her much older teacher as something to be coveted and returned as opposed to laughed off and ignored.
The fact that a married man in his late thirties would be interested in a young teenage girl also raises red flags about that man's own maturity and intentions. As a mother I would be horrified and shocked to find out that my high school aged daughter was involved with her teacher, while they were still teacher and student.
While I fully support relationships of all variations I have no compassion for, or an understanding of a relationship that develops between a teenager and a thirty something year old man. I don't fault the young woman-- she was a teenager at the time wrestling with adolescence. I blame the adult, the grownup, the man who already had so many years of experience under his belt- in fact- he had a family ( and currently has a 17 year old daughter). If he had these types of feelings he should not have given into them. Beginning a relationship with a 14 year old girl was downright manipulative and all sorts of wrong in my opinion, and as that girl's mother I'd do everything in my power to take him down.