I'm Getting Married! (Again.)
On December 31, 2010 the man of my dreams took me to one of my favorite places in California - an overlook in Dana Point - then proceeded to drop down to one knee and ask if I would marry him. It was breathtaking. It was emotional. It was beautiful and perfect. It was every bit the fairytale that every woman always dreams it will be.
The only difference? I have done this once before. We both have. This will be the second marriage, the second wedding for both of us.
I have to say, this whole second wedding thing is actually pretty cool. You see, it seems that my 29 year old self has a much better handle on what she likes and wants than my 21 year old self did. And I'm pretty clear on what my dream wedding looks like.
A beach wedding. (Or at least someplace tropical.)
Lots of white. White flowers, white candles, white linens.
Relaxed. Intimate. Warm and inviting.
Small. 20 people, max. Most likely our parents, our siblings, our children.
While I realize that a second wedding is not ideal for some, for us it is such a blessing. Between us, we have two perfect, loving children. Upon our union, we will become a family of 4, not just a joining of 2. We want our children to be involved in the wedding, we want to bring them into the process. Heck, we may even have them stand at the altar with us.
Our invitations will come not just from us, but from our children as well. We will invite people, together with our children, to join us as we become a family unit, not just as my fiance' and I wed. This wedding, this union is, in so many ways, even more sacred, more special, more important than anything that I've ever done in my life because it is the precise moment at which we will officially become a family.
You know what else has changed for me this go-round? I'm not in a rush. I know exactly what I want, and I'm willing to wait to make sure that I get that. I don't want a halfway wedding, because I can't have a do-over. I don't want a halfway honeymoon, because I sure as heck won't get another one of those, either. So if I have to budget accordingly for a while in order to save up, then so be it. We are happy, we are in love, and we will get married. So what if we don't have the details ironed out?
Sometimes at night my fiance' and I sit and surf the internet together and find amazing destinations where we could picture our wedding happening. We talk about having a wonderful wedding weekend with our family - and then we talk about sending them home so that we can have a nice 10 day honeymoon. We daydream about over-water palapas, about private pools in private villas, about sand and surf and how many books we think we can fit in our carryon luggage so that we can spend lazy days eating, reading, sunning, and relaxing.
Those things? Those things are worth waiting and saving for.
Naturally, my daughter has her own ideas about this wedding business. I told her that on the day that mommy and Mister Morgan get married, she will wear a beautiful white dress, just like mine. She rejected my offer of a matching dress in favor of choosing a new Princess dress from the Disney store. While it could be cute, I realized that allowing my 4 year old daughter to walk down the aisle in a Cinderella dress means I will likely have to let my 5 year old future step-son wear a Spiderman costume. What a flower girl and ring-bearer they would be.
But it hits me - isn't that what this is about, all of this second wedding business? Growing, letting go, taking risks? A leap of faith? If Cinderella dresses and Spiderman costumes are our biggest concerns, then I will consider us to be truly blessed.
Life isn't perfect. Relationships aren't perfect. Sometimes things don't go the way you plan them to. I certainly never imagined myself getting married more than once in my lifetime. Neither did my fiance'. But here we are, planning to do just that.
And you know what? There are no rules. This wedding will be about the 4 of us, through and through, and it will be perfect.
So, yes. It is my second wedding.
But it will also be my last.