Men Reveal: At What Point in a Relationship is it Okay To....?
An old coworker once told me that she and her husband NEVER once, in their entire relationship, pregnancy, children, bouts of food poisoning and all, EVER farted in front of each other. WHAT?! How could that be???? What loving and committed couple doesn't fart (by accident or on purpose), lift up the covers to smell it, and laugh and/or tease the other person for doing that, every now and again? Did they have problems in their marriage??? That just didn't sound normal.
"We actually don't ever poop in the same bathroom."
"What?! What does that even mean?"
"In our house, we have separate bathrooms. And when we go on vacation, we scope out bathrooms."
"I don't understand..."
"One of us takes the lobby bathroom and one of us can use the bathroom in the hotel room. But both of us do not use it for number two. It's only for one person."
I stared at her. "It's better that way. The mystery is kept alive. No farting, no poop, no pee even. It's all private."
Something must be wrong with their marriage. Terribly, terribly wrong....
Then I got divorced.
Then I started dating.
Then I started dating again.
And somewhere, during the evolution of these three life chapters, my perspective on the openness of bodily functions in front of a significant other started to change. Perhaps my old coworker (who remains married and onto her third child) is on to something. There's something to be said about mystery, discretion, privacy... At a certain point, however, I do think there's something comforting about knowing that you're at a point in your relationship that if you DID want to pee, fart, or complain about the worst, heaviest period ever, you would still be loved and (sexually)desired.
On a quest to not let history repeat itself and protect my own new and fantastic relationship, I decided to ask some of my favorite dad bloggers to give me the low down on at what point in a relationship, it's okay for us women to let it all hang out... so to speak... I asked:
When is it okay to:
1) Pee with the door open
2) Poop with the door open
3) Pass gas in front of you
4) Tell you how many people we've slept with before you
5) Complain about your mother/best friend/drinking buddy
6) Ask you to buy us tampons
Here are some of the responses:
1) Men, 2 months. Women 8 months 2) Men, 2 months, women 734 months 3) Now 4) Never 5) Always 6) Only if we can also ask you to pick up Preparation H, & home enema kits for us
1) 13 days for both 2) 4 days before divorce or legal separation for either 3) 28 days for Men and 62 days for women 4) 1st date for both 5) 7 days for both 6) After kids are born. We have no shame after that
2) Never - The rest about the time you are seriously dating
1) after you've made love for first time 2) never unless you're into that sort of thing. 3) watching any sporting event gets a pass otherwise we think it's gross (kidding!) 4) take it to the grave 5) mom-after marriage / best-friend- after making best couple friend/ drinking buddy- after the first time you have to clean up puke 6) after you've produced a child
1) After you've had sex. 2) Never. 3) After you're officially dating. 4) After you've had sex twice. 5) mother - after the first year of dating; best friend - after you've had sex three times; drinking buddy - a month after you've been officially dating. 6) Once you're engaged.
So there you have it. Never poop in front of each other, but farting and tampon runs are perfectly acceptable. I'm still not entirely convinced that scoping out separate bathrooms at a hotel is necessary, but for the time being, I'm going to grin and bare the stomach ache that I've had for 6 months due to some serious constraint. At some point, the truth will reveal itself. Until then, l never fart or poop, I've never been with another man, and I loooove his best friends. This time around, as my love story unfolds, I'm determined to keep chapter 3 a little bit more mysterious... gas pains and all.