Setting Up Your Girlfriend: Proceed With Caution
We live in a society obsessed with coupledom and are forever being spoon-fed this idea that being one-half of a couple is far better than being a singleton. And if you were raised with a Jewish Mother like mine, intent on having me marry at least one of the hallowed Jewish men you should marry trifecta; a lawyer, doctor or accountant. Had I decided to remain single well it would’ve been akin to ripping her heart from her flesh and affirming that I'd never bear her a grandchild. Yes my mother can be a bit theatrical, but I digress. This article is NOT about me. It's about so many sexy, sophisticated, smart and sassy single women I know who while they're doing just fine on their own, if a good man was presented to them, well they'd certainly be up for a little Starbucks vanilla chai late tete-a-tete with said fella.
So what's the problem? Apparently these good men are hard to find. So I put the question out there to my single lady facebook and twitter crew and asked; are all the good men a) taken b) gay c)confirmed bachelors?
Here were a few of their responses:
Jennifer Mikel Medina I think here in Utah most of the single men are happy not settling down with one girl. It’s like all the single ladies here have good guy repellant on. But if you want a booty call....
Suzanne Arant Wells I am beginning to wonder this myself. I've decided to let life take me where it will and if Mr. Right shows up, then hurray! Seems like all the ones that are nice, attractive, and intelligent are wearing a wedding ring or with another guy..... ;)
Amy Sue Actually... I think all the good men are babied by their mamas so much that they are scared to let go... just saying...
Traci Sherrill When I WAS single, it seemed like they were all taken or gay; I don't think C) really applies..... no "confirmed bachelor" is really a "good man" for a single lady, IMO.
Of course way, way back many centuries ago when I was a single gal, I remember having that Sex in the City Charlotte moment, sitting at a NYC coffee shop lamenting the fact that I didn't think I could handle dating anymore and that frankly my hair hurt! And then my sister set me up with my now husband, and 13 years later we're still living in mostly wedded bliss. Therefore I am a HUGE proponent of dabbling in the fine art of matchmaking when I know two single people who I think would mesh well. And if good men are not plentiful in any way, shape or form- sometimes, a married lady like me needs to serve them up on a platter- handpicked fresh for my favorite single gals. However, when choosing to make a potential match you must proceed with delicate caution. Here are some tips from first, and most likely last time matchmaker Morgan Vanderwall of Vanderwall PR post her very recent experience of setting up her best friend in AZ and her husband’s best friend who just moved to Colorado Springs.
-DON’T let them travel to “meet” one another for the first time after months of talking on the phone without your supervision.
-DO try your best to stay uninvolved while they are getting to know each other.
-DON’T start planning their wedding in your head. It most likely will not happen.
Vanderwall, who set up her my best friend, who just got out of a 6 year long relationship admits this was her first “official” set up for long term love and says she’s not sure she would do it again. Dating is stressful and (as the matchmaker) it is very hard to stay out of the relationship especially when you are close to both involved!
And while some of the women interviewed for this article may think all the good men are taken, according to Carole Lieberman, M.D., psychiatrist and author of Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets , that is quite the contrary. Dr. Lieberman says all the good men aren't taken. It’s up to us married ladies to not only set-up our single friends, but help them understand what they need to do when they meet the guy you set them up with, in order to get him to want to ask her out again.
Lieberman recently interviewed over 100 men and distilled their experiences - and her psychological knowledge. She believes her book can help single women (and men) find love by understanding how attraction works. She offers these tips to us married women ready to act as matchmaker to our single girlfriends.
- Pep Talks! The dating jungle is scarier than ever and many single women are afraid to open their heart again and risk getting hurt. You need to give your single friends a pep talk about how all men aren't bad boys, how she has grown a lot since her heart was broken in the past, how any man would be lucky to have her, and so on.
-Before her date help her take an honest look at herself and fix things that may be holding her back from dating success. For example, does her wardrobe need a lift to bring it into 2012? Does she need to wear sexier outfits - not trampy, but alluring? How about a fresh hairstyle? Gently tell her some of the things that you think would make her feel more confident and, therefore, become more attractive.
Got any tips to add?