Six Things I Wish I Knew Before I Got Married
I look at my husband, the man I met at the very tender and fragile age of 23 and think of all the things I didn’t know about myself then. That 23 year old girl who thought that marriage would be a panacea of sorts, and absolve her of all and any problems she had. That marriage would save her from a lifetime of worry, doubt and would be a never ending quiet, sunset filled ride into happily ever after with her beloved. Of course, at 23 years old I had no idea what or where my marriage would ultimately take me and how hard it would be, at certain moments, to hold firm to my marital vows. So what would I tell my 23 year-old self about this thing we call marriage?
1. Don’t expect your husband to complete you. I am the first one to admit that I love that sappy Jerry Maguire movie and practically go weak in the knees when Tom Cruise utters that now infamous line, “You complete me”. But I also know that hearing it and believing in its power has been pretty detrimental to me and what I expected out of my marriage. After 13 years I get it– NO ONE can complete me, I need to complete myself and the man I marry will love that completed person and not the person who needs him to be complete.
2. People don’t change who they inherently are. Such a TOUGH concept to fully swallow and absorb but, like it or not, it is the truth. The things that bothered me about my husband when we met 13 years later are the arguments I’m STILL trying to win. Sure my husband has tried to appease me in certain ways, but his inherent qualities, those he simply can’t change, never will.
3. You marry your husband; not your in-laws. Both of you really need to be on board with this one– because A LOT of water accumulates under that proverbial bridge in the course of 13 years, but if you can hold each other in a special place, and not allow the noise of in-laws to infiltrate the relationship and nuclear unit you’ve created, your marriage will, believe it or not, strengthen as oppose to weaken.
4. Don’t be a right fighter. So you win arguments, and your husband will say yes honey, you’re right… and you think that’s what will make you happy. But it doesn’t. Being right doesn’t equal being happy. Sometimes you have to take one for the team and let someone else win.
5. If you marry a sugar daddy (purely for the sugar) you’re making a HUGE mistake. I named my blog Married my sugar daddy as a play on words- more so because of the 15-year age gap between my husband and I than anything else. But at 23 years old I thought I was marrying a man who would be wearing a stethoscope till the ripe old age of at least 75. Of course things change, careers change, people re-evaluate where they want to be as they reach mid-life, and if money, status and prestige are a strong undercurrent of your relationship (as opposed to love)… you’ll be up a creek with no paddle. (Don’t you love my aquatic references?!)
6. Don’t look backwards- look ahead… because it’s just TOO DARN DEPRESSING to look at those pictures of the two of you when you first met… getting older can be a real BITCH!
So what would you tell your blushing-bride-to-be-self?