Sorry Girlfriends, But I Wouldn’t Tell You if Your Man Was Cheating
Recently a girl friend of mine said she trusted that I would always let her know if someone was saying something negative or gossiping about her.
And she’s right. Our friendship is one of those solid, loyal friendships that I would most definitely not only inform her of such nonsense, but would also most likely speak out for her against the gossiper.
But would that sense of loyalty and ferocity go as far as me telling her if her man was cheating on her? Hmmm. No.
There was a time when a friend’s boyfriend came on to me, and I didn’t say a word to her about it. He, however, fearing that I would, took advantage of my silence and accused me of coming on to him, something that led to all sorts of accusations and the demise of our friendship. As angry and hurt as I was from that experience, I walked away knowing two things: 1) it was not a friendship worth saving, and 2) she knew the truth, but decided to place the blame and take out her frustration on me. Years later she would contact me to try to rekindle our friendship, but I ignored her requests. Still, despite this, I would not tell a girlfriend she was being cheated on.
Women who are being cheated on, who have a philandering man, are not entirely clueless. Our gut feeling, that little voice that tells us to beware, is hardly ever wrong. Some of us have learned to listen and trust it, while others still allow ourselves to ignore it and be told that it is just our insecurities, or stupidity, or insanity. That doesn’t mean it is our fault, or we “asked for it”, but it does mean we need to trust ourselves, our judgment, and be in tune to the cues that we are gifted in having as women.
I knew when I was being cheated on in my previous relationship, but I didn’t want to admit it to myself that it was a possibility. I had every excuse in the book to explain all sorts of behaviors and problems in the relationship, but to accept and admit that I was being lied to? Not so easy. And less easy was to have to hear it from my friends or family.
If it were someone who was cheating on my sister, or a friend who is like my sister, I would confront him. Oh, yes, I would be angry for sure. But, for my sister or friend, I would simply be a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear. And though I might not tell her directly, I would certainly work on steering her away and finding ways to empower her to make the right choices for herself. If I was ever asked about what I knew, I would then share it, and even this doesn’t guarantee that you are going to walk away from the conversation unscathed.
We can’t control the lives of others no matter how much we love them and how much we want to protect them from harm. Sometimes people have to find their own way and learn from their own mistakes, as much as it pains us to witness it.
Being a friend, just like being a mother, does not give me the right to do more than be there for them, to mold their paths or control their destiny. All I can do is be supportive and when the time comes, be strong enough for us both to see them through.
What would you do in this situation?
More on relationship woes:
- If Your Husband Cheated On You, Would You Want a Detailed List of His Lovers
- We Had To Ask...Would You Tell if Your Best Friend’s Hubby Was Cheating?
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