Then and Now: How My Online Dating Profile Has Changed Since Baby
For some reason that I can’t quite put my finger on, I felt compelled to take a look at my old online dating profile, maybe it was all of the commercialized love that was in the air courtesy of our friend cupid. In any case, I’d updated it right before I got pregnant, and to say things have changed would be a great understatement.
So I have decided to update it. And although I was honest first go around, I have decided it would be great if, for a moment, we got to live in a reality where we could be reaaaaaaalllll real in those lovely profiles.
So here goes…
Then: 29 year-old Woman
Now: Um, I can see 32 on the horizon. But I still feel like I am 19, so does that count for anything?
Then: Seeking: men 27-38
Now: Seeking: Men - that aren’t douchey (sorry to hurt your sensitive ears), aren’t crazy, aren’t condescending, don’t have mommy issues and don’t have a substance abuse problem – that are 27 – 40.
Then: Relationship: Never Married
Now: Relationship: Never been married, I like to think that I skipped my first divorce, and perhaps my second divorce, as well.
Then: Have kids: No
Now: Have kids: So, I have a child. Should I have mentioned that sooner? She is one, she doesn’t take up much space, she is awesome, and only whines when she is hungry, teething, or after I have been at work all day.
Oh, and no worries, I stopped lactating a few months ago.
Then: Body type: Athletic and toned
Now: Body type: Doughy. Is there a drop down selection for doughy? Because I truly used to be athletic and toned, but now I am a doughy version of my athletic and toned self. My breasts look deflated, and I have a terrible bruise on my doughy ass because I sat on one of my daughter’s tea cups.
Then: Faith: Spiritual but not religious
Now: Faith: I am spiritual and religious and anything else that helps me get through the day. When I get home from work, and my daughter is in full mommy mode, while I am in full hunger mode - I frequently speak to the woman upstairs asking her to clone me - so that one of me can eat, while the other one bonds with my daughter who wants nothing more than to be attached to me. Literally.
Then: Drink: Social Drinker
Now: Drink: See the word “social” is a problem there. “Social” has sort of been taken out of my vocabulary. After I put my daughter down at 7pm, I am a hostage in my own apartment, and frankly, drinking while being held hostage is a not good for the soul – so I haven’t been buying any alcoholic beverages in my rushed trips to the grocery store. BUT, if you want to come over and have a date in my living room, we can happily share a glass of wine. You just need to bring it because my arms are usually too full with cartons of whole milk and cases of diapers.
Then: A little about me:
I am a successful, driven, passionate woman that has been living in Manhattan for about eight years. I love to laugh – at myself and pretty much anything else that does not involve death or terminal illness. I’ve been told that I over-share, an assessment that I don’t entirely agree with. I happen to think that the crazy, bizarre, and downright irritating things that occur on a day-to-day basis are better shared with those willing to listen. It is an added bonus if that sharing makes people laugh. If we don’t share, then we all walk around thinking we are the only ones that have to deal with (fill in the blank).
Now: A little about me: I am still successful, driven and passionate, and live in Manhattan. And laughing has gone from something I enjoy, to a survival skill. I over-share, but instead of the over-sharing being about things like how hot the guy I made out with was, it’s now about the fact that I wet my pants when I laugh.
Then: Interests: Coffee and conversation, Cooking, Dining out, Political interests, Travel/Sightseeing, Volunteering
Now: Interests: Coffee while having conversations about how we don’t run in the bathroom, how we don’t throw our toys, and how we do nice to Mommy’s hair. I cook for my daughter, and then eat the scraps off of her plate. I also enjoy dining out, and in the off-chance it actually happens, it takes place at 5pm because this is when toddlers eat. I am also interested in finding a way to remember to pay my bills, to recall my own doctor’s appointments, and to try to find a place for my blackberry and cell phone that is out of my daughter’s reach, but not out of my own site – because if I can’t see it, I can’t remember it.
Then: Sports and exercise: Running, Walking / Hiking, Weights / Machines, Other types of exercise
Now: Sports and exercise: I cancelled my gym membership because it was too expensive and there was no way for me to run on the treadmill with Ellie strapped to me in the front pack. So my exercise routine is now comprised of standing in from of the mirror sucking my stomach and my ass in, trying to remember what my body used to look like...squeeeeeeeeeeze…release…squeeeeeeeeeze...release.
Then: For Fun: It depends on my mood, but that can be said for everyone. Right? So...I'm training for my second half-marathon, I love red wine, and catching up with friends. Sorry it's not nearly as original as we'd all like to think we are, but it is the truth.
Now: For Fun: Sleep. Sitting in a quiet room all alone while listening to the silence. Sleep.
Then: Favorite Hot Spots: I love seeing or doing something I never have done before, whether it's the backwoods of Missouri or biking through the hills of Tuscany. But on the average night, I gravitate towards the chill pub with music that I know the words to.
Now: Favorite Hot Spots: I love seeing or doing things I have never done before, and sometimes that happens to be a trip to the pediatric ER, after 8 days of stomach virus caused my daughter to vomit blood and dry heave for 2 hours without relief. I also frequent the pediatrician’s office, the park, and music class surrounded by lovely group of toddlers.
Okay, so maybe COMPLETE honesty is not the best approach.
Or maybe it so IS.