Tween and Teenagers
The Top 10 Things I Want My Teenagers to Know About Love…
I write this for my children Melinda age 18 and Christopher 13; two of the greatest loves in my life. As teenagers love can be complicated, misunderstood and difficult. My wish is that this list will help guide them as they explore life searching for love and making the choices that will lead them to their one true love; just as I have with their dad.
1. You must first love yourself before you can love or be loved. You are a beautiful, unique individual and accepting yourself and the person you are at this very moment will allow you to open your heart and find the real love you deserve.
2. Love is never 50/50. There will be times in your life where you feel like you are giving 100% and your partner is giving 0%. You must remember that love is a give and take relationship and there are times when it requires more give than take and when it is your turn to give, you must always be willing to give with a pure heart; never love grudgingly.
3. Love is more than sex. If the only thing in your relationship that brings you joy or happiness is sex, then you are not in a loving relationship. Ask yourself if sex were taken out of the relationship would you still be happy with your partner. Would your relationship survive without the physical aspect of love? If your answer is no, then you are probably not in the right relationship. If your answer is yes, then my guess is you are with the right person.
4. Always kiss each other goodbye or good night. We never know what the next moment will bring. You should always make sure that the last time you were together you showed your love for one another.
5. Never go to bed angry. Not only will your problems still be there in the morning, you will lose sleep which will affect you the following day. If you cannot get past the anger, agree to disagree and set aside a time when you can calmly discuss your problem; and still kiss good night.
6. Respect is a key factor in a relationship. Never use hateful words toward your partner. Words can often hurt more than physical violence. Spoken words can never truly be taken back.
7. NEVER think that it is okay to cheat. If you find yourself in a situation where you feel the need to be with someone else, respect your partner enough to end a relationship before you start another one. And in the event you are cheated on, you and only you will be able to determine if you are willing or able to forgive.
8. Love never involves physical or emotional abuse. You cannot love someone enough to make them stop hurting you physically or emotionally. You deserve someone who cherishes and adores you and would never intentionally harm you.
9. Never let anyone tell you who to love or not to love. Falling in love is a very personal intimate piece of your life puzzle and you are the only one who can put the pieces together…not even your mother (I constantly remind myself of this one and allow you to make your own decisions.) Your heart will lead you to the love of your life.
10. Love should never be used as leverage; “if you love me you will do it” is not really love. Using love as leverage is a control tactic that should not be tolerated. If someone truly loves you they would never withhold love or use it as a reward. It should be given freely and purely.