Top Tips for Getting Along With (Not Killing) Your Ex
Let's get one thing straight: though I'm divorced, I certainly do not consider myself the poster child for said relationship status. For whatever reason though, when during the first few months after I got divorced, I found myself fielding questions from people "curious" about the process... When did I file, when did I know, how long does it take, what is the custody situation like, do you get along with your ex... and the questions went on. At first, I thought people were just nosy... then I realized, after getting more than one or two phone calls and emails from mere acquaintances, that people were seeking this info because they themselves were considering, contemplating, toying with the big "D."
Lucky me (and you), it seems I was paving the way for all (future) divorcees.
I joke, of course. Again, an expert- I am not. BUT, I have figured out a few key things about the process in general that can make everyone's life easier. It's pretty simple and comes down to 5 words: GET ALONG WITH YOUR EX.
Now, that's not necessarily easy. No, not right away. It takes time. Like years of time. But it can happen and you and your ex (we are talking now about you, aren't we?) can find a way to not only be civil, but get along and have mutual respect. After all, if there are children involved, this is what's best. This is what adults do.
I thought I'd share with you a list of things to do and not do, since I'm pretty sure you're asking anyway....
DO... Talk nice about your ex in front of your child.
DON'T.... Say rude, inappropriate things about your ex in front of your child. This is a given. Let's move on.
DO... Invite your ex into your house when they're picking/dropping off your child.
DON'T.... Invite your ex into your house, poor a glass of wine and start reminiscing about old times. No need. BUT at the same time, no need to have them honk and shuttle your kids out to the car as if they're cattle. Your kids should see you interact and being cordial. Doesn't need to be a love fest, but it needs to be nice.
DO... (After a certain amount of time, and you're able to say nice things once again) Tell your ex that he/she looks great and/or seems happy.
DON'T... Roll your eyes when you say it or ask why they never looked/acted like that when you were together. Just say it and move on. It will make things better in the long run.
DO... Keep emails and texts, and all other correspondence, short and to the point. Remember to say "please" and "thank you."
DON'T.... Use emails or texts as a place to take your anger out on each other. Remember, all of that can be used against you!
I could go on, but I'm late to go pick up my son at his dad's. (File that under a DON'T). Perhaps I'll bring my ex a coffee drink I know he likes... (On second thought... Gonna file that as a "maybe").