Dear Jennifer Aniston
Dear Jennifer Aniston,
I can't tell you how relieved we all are that you've finally gotten engaged. I don't think I need to tell you that for the last seven years it's been a real roller coaster ride for anyone that knows you, which - let's face it - is everyone.
Your marriage to Brad looked so solid, and then was so thoroughly and publicly shattered by his combustive relationship with Angelina Jolie. GF, we did NOT see that coming.
It goes without saying that you were our "Friend," so of course we all immediately sided with you.
But then she became a UNICEF ambassador... and created this beautiful family... and settled into economically-struggling, post-Katrina New Orleans... and she and Brad seem to really have a lasting love.... and seem like good people. So to be honest, it was difficult to reconcile in our minds. We've struggled.
And for the past seven years you've been a serial dater. Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughn, John Mayer, Gerard Butler, Bradley Cooper... Dinners, premieres, vacations. Oh the tedium of it all!
Sure you have international success as a RomCom darling. Yes, you were voted the #1 sexiest woman of all time by Men's Health - ahead of 99 other famous woman including Marilyn Monroe, Bettie Page and (ahem) Angelina Jolie. OK, clearly you're a savvy businesswoman, and a millionaire many times over. We are all envious and inspired by your body, which seems to only get BETTER with age. Don't even get me started on your hair... AND you appeared to be having lots of fun dating.
But Honey, chu got no mans! How could we NOT worry?
Then along comes Mr. Justin Theroux. THANK GOODNESS! We can all rest easily now, knowing that you're finally, FINALLY complete!
Best wishes to the happy couple.