Divorce Dispatches: Second Wives Behaving Badly
First wives can be a bunch of bitter b**ches. At least that’s what you think if you believe the common big screen and small screen portrayals of divorced women. We are the so-called jilted and angry ones, perpetually plotting revenge in a jealous rage.
In my circle of happily divorced first wives, it’s the new wives and girlfriends of our “wasbands”--the women we call "the replacements" that have the real attitude problems. And btw, when I say happily divorced I admit that it has been a journey--some short, some long--to get to happy. But we have all, somehow, arrived.
The new girlfriends and second wives are a different matter. Which is odd because second wives should be downright ecstatic with their so-called "prize." They are benefiting from our fixer upper work and if they’re lucky, getting less of the nonsense that we had to deal with.
Yet, lately among my happily divorced crew we've been dealing with a serious spate of second wives behaving badly.
I mean one of my friends was severely cursed out by the second wife (SW) and chased from the driveway at what has always been an amicable drop off. SW seemed to be extremely upset that my friend, the first wife (FW), held the husband accountable for his half of their son's Kumon bill (it's in the divorce decree, sweetie!). The wasband wasn’t even upset about it but the SW was enraged. Go figure!
I was verbally attacked by my wasband's girlfriend when I stopped by to drop my son's medicine in the mailbox. WTF? Meanwhile, I have invited her and her son to all of my kid parties. She never shows up.
At a recent birthday barbecue, my friend, the FW and her boyfriend happily invited the wasband and the replacement--so their son could have ONE birthday party for a change. The replacement came with a short-skirted girlfriend who spent so much time flirting with my friend's boyfriend it was almost too funny. Really?? You bought a slutty friend to her home to hit on her boyfriend. Classy! But when the slutty friend sat on his lap in front of all of us, it wasn't funny anymore. The first wives club doesn’t play that.
And the more we try to have a civil working co-parenting relationship, the angrier they get. The more we work toward our dream of joint birthdays and Thanksgivings of blended families, they push back even harder.
We can't help but wonder if our own happiness is part of the problem. They want us bitter and home eating tubs of ice cream, not dropping off the kids in a pair of stilettos because we are heading straight to a date night or out with the girls the minute we unload the kids.
We are busy loving our new life, not regretting the old one.
And perhaps they are realizing why we're so happy--because we are better off emotionally without that man. That the so-called prize you think you got may not be so shiny after all, sister. And we remain totally focused on our children’s happiness.
This dawned on me as my wasband’s girlfriend now finds herself living in the same small house with his mom, his brother, their 3-year old daughter and her 14-year old son ---congratulations!!
I find it funny, that because we are not playing the stereotypical role of the ex-wife that we seem to draw more ire. It’s hard to make us out to be evil and divorce-worthy when we’re smiling and looking great! Maybe they fear that without the “evil b*tch” act to hide behind, it would be the men that would have regrets. Therefore, to maintain their position they have to keep us in the evil position.
Which is exactly where we refuse to be. Now what?
Do you have a misbehaving SW or new girlfriend in your life? How do you cope?