In Marriage There Can Only Be One Dream-Getter: Just Ask Katy Perry
It took seeing the Katy Perry movie to truly drive home this one salient point-- it is REALLY hard to sustain a marriage when both spouses are going full speed ahead in their respective careers simultaneously. As an adult woman, watching Perry's docudrama I appreciated the fact that she didn't gloss over her much publicized and currently defunct marriage to the volatile Russell Brand. I think she portrayed the stresses that being a woman with a high profile career can wreak on a marriage in which one spouse is out earning and outshining the other. In the case of Perry and Brand it seemed that he was not entirely willing to be understanding about the compromise being a rockstar required of him, as a husband, aka, he might have to give up the role of alpha and let his wife embody it. In the film, Perry handled her failing marriage with the utmost grace, and I think also showed us women that there is no such thing as a fairytale, and every career and relationship requires a healthy does of blood, sweat and tears.
The dream-getter (the person in the marriage/relationship who gets to live out their dream, their fantasy), gets to go outside their home, and be applauded and recognized by someone other than the little people they're raising. This dream-getter, gets to have adult stimulation, conversation, interaction, gets to take a stab at grabbing that proverbial brass ring. He/she gets to have other adults (who are not part of their blood line) tell them how great, or miserably they're doing at reaching their goal. The main point is that the dream getter gets to exercise his/her brain power and critical thinking beyond timing the chicken nuggets to coincide with the pasta and make sure he/she strains the pulp out the orange juice so that the little people they live with do not stage a mutiny.
And then there's the dream weaver-- he or she is the one who makes it all possible for the dream-getter in the relationship to get his/her said dream and live out that fantasy. The dream weaver is the one who cleans toilets so that the dream getter does not feel as though they’re entering a lion's den upon sitting on the toilet. They make sure the bills are paid, so that there's electricity to illuminate the rooms for the dream-getter to create those "deals and get cooking" and takes care of those little people so that they're feeling content enough to allow the dream getter to reap love and encouragement and all the good stuff those little people presiding in the house can provide when well-fed and clothed.
I think if a marriage is going to truly be successful, it is incredibly hard for both spouses to be the dream-getters simultaneously and I think Perry and Brand's marriage suffered because of it. Brand was unwilling to take a backseat and be the rock Perry needed and wait his turn for her to be the rock for him. In my marriage when I met my husband I was more than content to be the dream weaver; I was going to be that wife who made it possible for him to embody his role as dream-getter. Except six years ago he lost his dream,and now, it’s sort of up in the air-and the pursuance of a dream is anyone's for the taking. Yet each time I think I'm ready to grab for it-- I wonder, if there's anything I really want more than just to be with those little people who live with me. And my husband... well he needs to find a new dream.