Should Wives Receive "Allowances" From Husbands?
I was recently asked to be a guest on a live panel to discuss the impact a person's debt can have on their potential mate and whether it was a contributing factor in the latest growing trend of young people putting off marriage until they are completely debt free.
Of course writing a blog like Married My Sugar Daddy, I'm convinced most of the panelists assumed I was a kept woman, who was happy to get an allowance from my husband. Well the truth is - when I married my husband at 25 years old - we both came into the marriage debt free and although he did pick up the tab for our wedding (and to this day I ADORE him for doing so) it was always my intention to work (although I briefly had visions of being a lady who lunched, shopped and flirted with the gardener). I'm not going to lie and say his age and stability was not a factor in my decision to marry him - but it was just one of a thousand things I loved about him.
Still, once I got pregnant and took a bit of a hiatus from pursuing my career -- my husband definitely had more control over our finances. While I didn't necessarily get an allowance - I do feel like I was much more inclined to report to him regarding what, where and how I spent our money. I also know that now that I am working full time - I'd never want to consider going back to that arrangement. And I also believe that because my husband and I have always been on the same page about how we viewed money, he rarely asked me anything more than "How much do you need?"
So, in regard to moms getting an allowance; my opinion is as long as the arrangement works for both and it's not so much an allowance as the agreed upon amount that partners feel should be spent during a certain time period - then I'm okay with it.
Here are what some of my blogger friends had to say about this issue of wives getting allowance from their husbands:
Holly Rosen Fink: I think that idea is antiquated and should have gone with the wind years ago. We live in a day of ATM's and women have their own bank accounts, unlike my own mother who received a monthly allowance and struggled to make ends meet. In my relationship, money is equal. We have a joint account and two separate individual accounts of our own. I do take pride in making and handling my own money. But jointly we both know what we have and what we can spend. It's important for both men and women to take control of their financial situation.
Elissa Freeman: I operate by this motto: What his is mine; what's mine is mine. The End.
Hadass Eviatar: I think it's a preposterous idea. We are a team - if he had to hire somebody to do everything I do for this family, it would cost him hundreds of thousands of dollars. We have a joint bank account, and I handle most of the finances. But even if I didn't, the idea of his controlling the money in that way would be anathema. That's not how our relationship works. The kids get allowance, but I am not in the same kind of subordinate position.
Tamara Hansen Reese: My mom used to have to beg my dad for money - and she worked too! The thought makes me cringe.
Sara Hawkins: It's not for me, personally, but I won't judge others for whom it does work. There seems to be an immediate negative connotation to the idea of a husband giving his wife an allowance, likely based on many of the negative stories we hear in the media and possibly from our experiences as advocates for women in abusive relationships. There seems to be an instant belief that a husband providing his wife with an allowance is wrong. I think that has to do with our sense of equality and equity. The belief that giving an allowance is a form of control seems to be what makes this a bad idea. In fact, there are many women who are the breadwinner who dole out the money to their husband. Is that equally oppressive? Or is it only oppressive when women get the allowance?
Eva Glettner: Heck no! That idea is SO Jane Jetson.
What's your take on husbands giving their wives allowance?