Should Your Husband Tell You He's Taking a Female Co-Worker To Lunch?
"How is it possible to live with someone and not know something is going on? You are in the day to day of the marriage and u notice things were not the way they were- it's a distant bell and when things turn out to be wrong- you realize you were somewhere else. And the dream dies; it breaks into a million tiny little pieces and you can either stick with it which is unbearable or you can go off and live another dream"....It is this line from the movie Heartburn that succinctly sums up just how two people can be in a marriage and not know when something is awry.
It was this line that popped into my head when a girlfriend recently told me about a situation with her husband that rendered me temporarily speechless.
What you ask could render me, Miss Loquacious, speechless? Well, it was my girlfriend calling me in a panic-anxious-ridden state divulging the fact that she picked up her husband's phone and saw several messages between him and a female co-worker, in which the co-worker was thanking him for a great lunch and yada yada. My girlfriend was livid over the discovery, and while she never conceived of the possibility that her husband could be having a relationship with someone outside their marriage- this series of texts coupled with the fact that he didn't even mention this lunch in passing, had her stomach in knots.
She continued to lament about her feelings of betrayal and how this experience has forced her to question what and where her husband is while he is at work, thoughts that were previously not even a blip on her radar.
I tried to play devil's advocate and tell her that this was just one more work lunch. I pointed out that he doesn't tell her about what he does for lunch on a regular basis, so why would this particular lunch date be any different. I tried to explain that just because the date was a female co-worker (who we then looked up on Facebook and who just happens to be a really young and beautiful twenty-something woman, but I digress) does not point to infidelity. It is business, it is the modern workplace and if you trust your husband- you have to trust him in every aspect. And if you don’t trust him in this aspect, well then, that is a larger trust issue the two of them need to resolve.
So I opened up the question to a bunch of my Facebook friends and the response was OVERWHELMING! Here are their thoughts (and a lot of them!)
But all this has me looking at my own marriage and wondering how I'd react to a similar series of text messages. What do you think- should a husband have to tell his wife this kind of thing?