You'll Never Guess Who I Ran Into...(aka Awkward Situations)
I ran into my couple's therapist at Starbucks. That’s weird. It’s like running into your gyno. Once someone has seen that much you just can’t have coffee with them. And when I feel awkward I become a complete freak. I talk too much and say things that don’t make sense while I hover over my body, judging the things I’m saying and wishing I could shoot myself to make me shut up.
So my therapist is all casual. “Hey, how are you?”
And I say, “You mean “How are you?” or “How are you?” Because either way I’m great. I’m doing great. Couldn’t be better. Just waiting for my soy Chai Latte. Do you drink dairy? I can’t seem to tolerate it any more. But you know I read somewhere that people really aren’t meant to drink cow’s milk anyway. Which is true, I think. I mean, what other mammal drinks another mammal’s milk, you know? When’s the last time you saw a monkey nursing off an elephant? And if you think about it, that’s really what we’re doing when we drink milk.. We’re nursing off a cow. Weird, right?
OK, so I guess I’ll see you on Wednesday. Enjoy your cappuccino.