Why Won't My Male Friends Hook Me Up? Life Inside the Emergency Box
I have a good number of male friends. Successful white collar friends. Successful blue collar friends. And friends in between. With so much dating advice suggesting that you ask your friends for introductions, that’s exactly what I did. I thought it would be great to ask my male friends for referrals. I mean, they know me. Some are in fraternities. They have great college alumni networks. Sure, some are exes but most have moved on and are married, in serious relationships or clearly not interested in dating me.
But I just couldn’t figure out why none of my male friends, some of whom belong to male civic organizations, have attended Harvard, and sit on boards, have never introduced me to any of their friends or acquaintances. Not. One. The most common response was, “My friends are dogs. I wouldn’t do that to you.” or some other comment that none of their friends were good enough to be introduced to me.
After a few years, I started to wonder if something sinister was underfoot.
It all became crystal clear to me when two of these so-called friends got married recently. One of the guys’ I’ve known since we were 15-years old. We dated in college and went out a few times since my divorce, but it was clear we were better off as friends. So I asked for a hook up. He’s a super successful Wall Street guy in a large fraternity. Talk about networks.
For years, I have asked them both for an introduction, email connection or invite to a great party—hey, I can do my own meeting. Nada. Nothing.
It wasn’t until their weddings that both friends decided to introduce me to a friend. Not an out of state friend or newly divorced friend—a friend they could have clearly introduced me to years ago. My first conversation with both of these very nice guys was 30 minutes of them saying why the little so-and-so never introduced us sooner. Even they couldn’t figure it out.
That’s when my girlfriends and I realized that I have been living in the red glass box. You know the one that you break open in case of emergency. Or in this situation, it was clear these guys didn’t want me to meet any quality guys or possibly be involved with their friends until they were sure that they had no use or want from me.
Has this ever happened to you?
It really bugs me that guys are already winning the numbers game but still would hold out on hooking a friend up because of their own self interest. Ok, wait, maybe that doesn’t surprise me about guys at all.
I guess I'm left to my own devices to meet some men.