10 Ways to Tell Mom is Losing Her Mind
“My wife and I were Intellectuals before we had children” – Bill Cosby
I was watching "Bill Cosby: Himself" last night and it dawned on me; I was a smart girl before I had kids. I mean, I had goals beyond getting my teeth brushed for the day or getting a shower before noon. I think a lot of women were smart before they had kids too. I say this because I’ve talked to them, and we’ve shared stories of what our goals used to be (I wanted to travel).
They say (has to be a man that said it, but that’s just my opinion) that women actually gain brain cells post pregnancy and that there is a “brain surge” that causes moms to have better memory and multi-tasking skills.
I don’t buy it. Scientific research my eye! Have you ever watched a mom go through her day? By the end of a day, I’m lucky to be able to remember my own name or phone number (which I’ve been known to look up on my cell phone). Women who have kids are slowly losing their minds and to prove it, I’ve come up with a list. Let me know how many of these YOU identify with.
1. Goes through every name, including husband’s, sister’s brother’s, and even deceased grandparents’ before finally calling out the name of the child she wants.
2. Puts the box of cereal (insert any non-perishable food item here) inside the refrigerator after using.
3. Walks into a room and forgets why she came in there only to walk out again and suddenly remember.
4. Walks around asking “Where did I put (insert item of choice, but mine is usually my glasses or car keys)?” only to have them in her hand/pocket.
5. Makes up definitions for other words other than what they were given. For instance, “pause” may now mean "mute" on any given day.
6. Talks to herself. This wouldn’t be so bad if she didn’t answer herself too or respond with “I’m not talking to you” when an unassuming husband or child answers her as well. (I could go on here but I don’t want you all to be able to spot me in public).
7. Hears things. Such as phones ringing, cars in the driveway, knocks on the door, voices... Oh wait. That might just be me.
8. Instead of telling the kids it's bedtime, she shouts out "Happy Hour!"
9. Looks for excuses to make midnight runs to the grocery store simply to get out of the house.
10. Says there is nothing wrong with going to the store in pajama pants but draws the line at going in her slippers.
Please tell me that some of you can identify with my list, otherwise, I'll be writing from a new addresss: The Nut House.