Did Your Vagina Hurt? And Other Embarrassing Questions from My Son…
"Mommy, why are all people with brown skin Christian?"
"What?" I say, looking around.
"Why are all people with brown skin Christian, and all people with white skin Jewish?"
"Wait, what? Shh... No... That's not true... Wha- no.... No..." I say stumbling. A) Why is my 4 year old son asking me this at the market and B) How in the world am I going to explain this."
Lately my son, who is more curious than any monkey could ever be, has been asking a slew of questions and making a ton of remarks that, well, honestly, make me uncomfortable. I realize that he's trying to understand the world around him, but sometimes his questions are so out of left field that I'm taken aback and left speechless.
Take for example the time I ran into an old friend at the mall, and in that very moment of saying hello and catching up, my son had to know where babies came from. Not the tummy part, no. The HOW do they come out of the tummy and from WHERE do they come out of the tummy. Oh, dear god. Really? Right now???? Okay.... I took a deep breath and said:
"Well, Jonah, when you were born, you came out of my vagina."
His eyes widened, "Your PA-CHINA??"
"Yes, my vagina."
"Are you just joking?" He said starting to laugh.
"Nope, sweetheart. That's how babies are born." (I figured explaining C-sections was unnecessary.)
He bent down and pretty much put his face in my crotch. "From heeeere?" he said, poking me.
"Yes. From here. Please take your hand away."
And that was that. This of course led to multiple conversations, where again, out of nowhere, he asked about coming out of my Pa-china and if it hurt.
"Yes, it hurts a little bit."
"But for how long?"
"Um, for me... about 41 minutes. If we're being specific..."
"Is that a long time?"
"Actually, it's not so bad," I told him laughing to myself.
The conversation about labor and delivery is NOTHING though compared to the sometimes remarks or questions that he has like the one about skin color and religion at the grocery store. Several times, we've been out and he's pointed to someone in a wheel chair and said, "Look at their machine mommy!" or "Mommy, that person has such a fat belly!" Of course I explain that "the machine" is a wheelchair and they probably are using it because they could be injured or maybe are sick, which leads to a discussion of how lucky we are and how everyone is different (but the same), etc etc... And then, of course, I explain that while many of his books may use silly language like "fat," actually SAYING it, aloud, to a person, isn't exactly kind.... But as most parents know, calling out something that you're not supposed to do or say, geeeeeeeeenerally leads to said 4 year old calling out something that you're not supposed to do or say OVER AND OVER.
So there you have it. A 4 year old with ten thousand questions and comments and about two of them are actually ones that won't stump or mortify you... or me, that is.
Do you get embarrassed or stumped by the questions your children ask? How do you explain difference in skin color, religion, or sex? Do you keep it general or do you answer specifics? Help!
Read other humorous parenting stories: