Should you try for one more baby when your husband is eligible for AARP
So here's my dilemma I'm 38 years old, which means I'm officially on the tail end of my reproductive cycle and well, I'm feeling anxious about the fact that my baby making years are likely over. Not that I am not completely grateful for my 10 year old daughter and a six year old son both of whom make me feel completely blessed and fulfilled. In fact I can't imagine my life without these two kids and of course my furbaby Shih Tzu Mellie. But still there's this teeny, tiny part of me that thinks in a few years my biological clock will no loner tick, and what if I regret not having just one more baby. Of course, ask my husband who is turning 54 this year if he's even contemplating having another child with me and he will say very matter of factly, "The next set of diapers I'm changing will be my own."
While I empathize with his qualms about being an older dad, it didn't help my case for popping out another kid when he was recently sitting at our local community center with our son and an even "older guy" came up to the two of them and said, "Oh your grand son is so cute- you're such a good grandfather." In fact I think it was the nail in the coffin in solidifying the fact that the next baby we have in this house, will be one of our future grand babies.
Of course I've pointed out all the older gentleman who've produced heirs well into their 80's to which my husband responds, "Do you really think that Larry King is playing horsie on the floor with his kids without having to pop several pain relievers and taking many rest periods in between each piggy back ride, or simply paying a much younger fella to play with his kids?" To which I can only respond, "Well, if you have to hire a younger guy- he can entertain me too!" to which he usually shoots me a dirty look.
I understand his trepidation; he doesn't want to be that dad who is not as fully present as the other dads. He wants to be able to be as active and as involved with his kids as he possibly can and he doesn't want his kid to be the one with the "elderly dad".
Yet when I think about his ability to be a father- I think so much of what makes him such a good dad is his advanced age. Being older he's so much more mellow and relaxed. He's traveled, he's done the bachelor thing (in case I didn't make it clear I'm a first wife-- so my man lived a bachelor life till the ripe old age of 40!) he's figured out who he is and really made it his first priority to be as connected and involved with the raising of our two kids as I could ever have hoped for. He wanted these children as soon as we were married- and when I was content with one, it was he who pushed me to have another. But now, as the AARP is calling his name, his hips are hurting him and his hair is far greyer than its once jet black, he worries that physically having another kid would be too much of a shock to his system.
And the truth is I too have my reservations-- do I really want to go through the whole up all night, diaper changing, projectile vomit and anxiety all over again, especially after a six year hiatus? I do know if he was ready for another baby on board I'd be too but without his support (cause unfortunately I kind of need his swimmers for this one endeavor) I may just have to face the fact that I will not get an opporuntity to caress a small tuft of fuzzy newborn baby hair and drink in that mesmerizing sweet newborn baby smell until my 10 year old has one of her own (which, if I've raised her right, won't be for AT least another 15 to 20 years).
So what's your take on the older dad thing--good or bad?