These Moms Say Their Husbands Could Care Less About the Gender of Their Kids
When we were about four months pregnant with our now 10-year-old daughter we were driving to that all important let's find out the sex of the baby sonogram so we could fully entrench ourselves in those arduous blue versus pink decisions. Our car ride, normally punctuated by my incessant questions, was eerily filled with silence as we were both very much wrapped up in our own thoughts. The truth is I really was hoping for a girl, but of course never felt comfortable enough admitting it out loud. I was filled with trepidation and that great fear of the unknown, what kind of mini person was I carrying in my womb and could I even be a good mother to a boy or a girl for that matter? And then my husband, normally never one to break the silence, spoke and said, " I know this might not be the right thing to say but I hope we are having a boy." I looked at him feeling such relief that I wasn't the only superficial one- hung up on yearning for a baby of a specific gender, and I too admitted what I'd been keeping in my heart, "well I really hope it's a girl". And while I should have felt relieved now that we put our true feelings out into the stratosphere I felt quite the opposite; anxious and panic ridden. Questions like, why did my husband want a son, and what if I couldn't give him one, would he still love this baby, plagued me.
Of course I knew I would love anything that grew inside me as it was a product of my love for my husband. And I knew my reasons for wanting a girl were silly -- I simply wanted a little baby doll I could dress up and cover in crinoline and ribbons who would watch Snow White with me and who would relish impromptu tea parties. I grew up with two sisters and by the time my brother was born I was 12 years old and no longer at an age where I was interested in playing or getting acquainted with the male persuasion. But why did my husband feel this way? I asked.
"Honey, why would you rather have a boy?"
To which my husband replied: "Of course I'll love any baby that is ours regardless of whether its a boy or girl- but I know I'll just feel more comfortable around a boy- I'll know what to do and how to parent a boy. I'm a little worried about parenting a girl."
Fast forward to when our daughter was three years old and after major infertility intervention, we became pregnant again. During a car ride that felt very Déjà vu-ish, we once again discussed what we hoped the baby's gender might be. My husband, who after spending three years with his little girl had at that point become such a doting daddy and could literally not get in enough time with her said, "I hope it's a girl." Of course it was a boy and for me the love and the parenting has been just a rich and magical with my boy as it has been with my girl-- and in my opinion gender has no bearing on love and my husband, well he completely agrees with me.
So I put the question out there to some of my favorite moms and asked; Did your husband care about the gender of your kids? And here is what some of them had to say:
Rachel Haalman Blaufeld My husband actually wanted girls because they love their daddies....but, now after seeing all the challenges with girls and the outfits and sexual pressure - he is pretty happy we have two boys. I would love one more child, but hubby is sticking with two because he feels we should be grateful.
Suzannah Raff Of course my husband doesn't care about the gender of our kids! We were so happy to have kids and to have them healthy. We started in our 30s. But he was definitely very proud when our firstborn was a little boy who looked exactly like him. Who wouldn't be!
Randi Chapnik Myers No way. But it's easy to say since we have the sandwich family I probably secretly wished for: boy, girl, boy. But do I think he gets off on talking comics and sports with the boys and figuring out how to connect with the girl? You bet.
Deborah Gilboa My husband says:" Although I really didn't have an opinion before they were born, having four boys is awesome. Truly, I think the disposition of the child is more important than the gender."
Natalie Goldberg Klein My husband was happy either way! We got a dog before the kids so he could name him! This way no matter what I could always say.... You named the dog! And mookie wilson made the cut.... But about my husband, he was relieved when a boy came first because He knew he wouldn't have to pay for two weddings and so he would have someone to play baseball and basketball with but, it turns out, our daughter is better at that than our son ;)
Annie Shultz My husband loves kids...doesn't matter the gender. That being said, he is very glad he doesn't have eight girls. Imagine the drama...boys break up that craziness very nicely.
Rachel Ferrucci My husband always says- he doesn't need boys. He did everything with the girls that he would have done with boys. They know how to use every tool, play basketball, baseball, football, and rugby. They are avid Steeler fans (like him) and can tell you everything that's going on in the game. They can also burp the alphabet! Thank god he wasn't a single parent :) The only time we had trouble was when they started dating. The first time a boy made my daughter cry- he went to the boys house- Cops did show up at my house that night! haha
Tina Creaney Seitzinger Since I have two boys, not at all. We didn't find out with each and my hubby was sweating it. He was scared to have a girl and being overprotective, but guess he doesn't have to worry about that :) He loves having two boys. They play sports, video games and he loves teaching them.
More on gender: