When PTA Stands For Part-Time Alcoholics
In my previous unnamed suburban school district, the PTA moms often held the meetings at the local bar. When we had a very serious matter to discuss we would meet at Applebees. At the bar.
That means that most of our important, official decisions were technically made under the influence of alcohol and I always had this lingering feeling that this was really messed up and that I should take a stand and say something about it. I got over this feeling by having a cocktail.
As a result, I started calling the PTA --part-time alcoholics. And I'm saying only part-time because I'm trying to be nice. These chicks were crazy and always drinking. I swear I saw a flask at a bake sale. If there was ever an example of suburban mom boredom and angst, the epitome of desperate housewives with not much to do other than live in designer houses, dress in designer clothes and numb the pain of their expensive but empty existence with meds and booze then these ladies were it! Not all of them, but definitely most of them. Yeah, pretty much all of them.
The part-time alcoholics really bothered me. Not just because I was actually a work-at-home mom who only looked like a stay-at-home mom because I somehow made time to support all the school events (mostly by doing my actual work at midnight and wee hours of the morning) and I just couldn't relate to their easy-going, do much of nothing lives. Nor did they didn't realize how good they had it. Talk about, "I love my kids, but I hate my life"--they were it.
I also deeply pitied them for being unable to go two hours without needing alcohol. I've gone at least four! Maybe five if the kids aren't around.
When I moved away and said good riddance to the part-time alcoholics, I was so happy to find a PTA that actually meets in the school library or cafeteria. No one mentions alcohol, (although I admit, I think about it) and we are all up to the very serious business of school improvement with lots of committees and subcommittees. And I don't have to read papers or sign documents while trying to balance a cocktail in my other hand. That was stressful!
Ahhh this is better! Isn't this what the PTA is about? Focused moms whose sole purpose is to improve the school for the sake of our beautiful children.
Until I realized that these moms are drunk off something else--power and one upmanship. Oh. Em. Gee. The backbiting, the positioning, the jealousy, the manipulation---all things the other PTA moms were way too tipsy to worry about!!
Which in retrospect, actually made that PTA more productive. Go figure!
I admit, I miss the part-time alcoholics. And I'm convinced this new bunch of power-hungry PTA crazies will soon turn me into a full-time alcoholic. At the end of the day I'd rather be buzzed from a Mojito than juiced up by some self-absorbed quest to make myself and my kid appear better than you. At least the Mojito wears off after a nap, for crying out loud.
What's your PTA like?