Got Kids? Consider Yourself Qualified for These Careers
Custodial Arts: The unique challenge of containing and cleaning up diapers, splatters, spit-up, accidents and so much more.
Elementary Education: Endless repetition of the ABCs, 123s, and Moo, Baa, La, La, La.
Nursing: Boo-boo kissing, temperature taking (by any means necessary), nose suctioning, and pushing fluids.
Traffic Enforcement: Your task: keep a wobbly toddler from getting sideswiped by the older, wilder, more coordinated kids on the playground.
Transportation Engineer: Ferrying kids around (and queuing up appropriate musical/video entertainment) until they're old enough to take the wheel themselves. (See also: coordinating carpool, tracking school bus schedule, booking flights)
Actuarial Services: From day one, you're constantly assessing the risk of every toy, surface, furnishing, food, and furry friend.
Clown: Making funny faces, strange sounds, and pulling rabbits out of your hat (err, diaper bag) when distractions are desperately needed.
Etiquette Coaching: Teaching the ins, outs and must-dos of please and thank you, as well as the please-just-stop-its of nose picking.
Public Relations/Spin Doctor: Gracefully handling the moment your four-year-old points at the strange-looking person on the train and asks (loudly) about whatever it is making them seem strange.
Crisis Management: You gave your two-year-old a sticker. It promptly ripped in half. It's a personal holocaust. Diffuse. (Repeat in 3 minutes.)
Arbitration: Two kids, one sandbox, one coveted bucket. Your mission: negotiate and diffuse.
I'm sure I'm missing some. What professions do you think parenting preps you for?