I Finally Found True Love...
What is love? I know, I know…this question is perhaps a bit to ethereal…a question that I am convinced human beings have been pondering since the beginning of time, but please humor me.
I ran into an old flame a few weeks ago...and something rather strange happened...or more accurately, didn't happen. There I was, standing two feet away from someone who I'd pined away for, for years (and I mean so many years that we could almost count it as a decade) but there he was and… I couldn't have cared less if I tried.
My heart didn't skip a beat.
This was a man that I'd go out of my way to run into, I'd replay our conversations in my head over and over again, and when we did date, I'd inhale the scent left on the random shirt he'd forgotten at my apartment...simply put I was in love with him. Alas, things didn’t work out for us and when he walked out of my life, I was crushed. You know, the type of crushed that makes your friends’ ears bleed from hearing about every single detail related to the breakup and why, why, WHY things happened the way they did.
But then life happened, and by that I mean I moved on and dated other guys, and somewhere along the way, I found myself single and pregnant. I’m not sure if you have ever been single and pregnant, but it is no walk in the park. My heart was heavy, knowing that my daughter would be raised by one parent, not two. And there were times that I thought nothing could pull me out of the funk I was feeling. But the moment I heard my daughters’ heartbeat for the first time, I found myself feeling that rush of emotion I’d only previously associated with romantic love. It was completely different but even more intense.
After 9 months of hearing that heartbeat and feeling my own heart expand in ways I'd never thought possible, Ellie was thrust into my life, and in the past two years - I've learned what true unconditional love is. Every single day, despite the tantrums or the lack of sleep, or the countless sacrifices I make as a mom – my love for my daughter grows. And nothing I’ve ever felt for any man even comes close to what I feel for my daughter. The feelings can’t even be put in the same category.
So now I find myself wondering, is THIS what true love really is? THIS being motherhood, the love between a parent and a child, a bond so strong that it feels supernatural at times…is this actually true love? And if the feelings of romantic love can be so fleeting (granted, mine lasted 10 years – but you know what I am saying), then what was I, and what AM I, chasing after?
I have already found my soul mate.