I’m Starting an Underachieving Mother’s Group. Want to Join?
When my twins were old enough that I felt like I could handle getting out of my yogurt stained sweatpants and over to the park (eight years - just kidding), I realized that I hadn't seen another female adult in a while. When we got there I saw a couple of cool moms on the playground talking to each other and I suddenly I realized that there was a whole new social world I needed to figure out how to navigate.
Making playdates for your kids is like dating. I give men a lot of credit. Asking a woman out takes guts. I never realized it but we women just basically stand there and wait for men to approach us. If we feel like exerting ourselves, maybe we give a guy a lingering glance. That’s the biggest effort we make.
But now I was in the play dating world and I had to learn how to be a "playa."
The first time I talked to another mom with a toddler I felt like an 8th grade boy asking a girl to dance. She seems nice. I like her jeans. What should I say? “Your son is really verbal.” My palms were sweating. Then she started to leave. Now I’ve got to close the deal - “Hey, our kids seem to really like each other. Can I get your number?”
Aaaawkwaaard. I got married so I didn’t have to date. Now I’m back out there and I’m the guy!
And some moms are just too driven. You try to set up a playdate for a couple of two year-olds and they’re like, “Well, Monday is mommy and me yoga, Tuesday we’ve got storytime, Wednesday is the Little Gym and Movement for Munchkins, Thursday is art class at Little Picasso but Friday we might be able to fit you in between Baby Physics and Kiddie Chemistry.” Oh. “Yeah, Fridays my kids eat paste, so that doesn’t work for us.” Then I finally score a playdate and the woman leaves a message to confirm. “Hello this is Kathy Thompson, mother of Ryan and Dylan, calling to confirm a playdate Tuesday afternoon at 3. Please call my cell if you’re not able to make it.” What are we gonna have a board meeting? Do I need to know Powerpoint?
I need the underachieving mother’s group. We all sit in the backyard and have cocktails while our kids look for worms.