I'm 42 and Pregnant?!
There are a lot of things I expected to happen when I hit 40 plus.
I knew that my days of getting harassed by construction workers would be over. (There is actually one construction worker left on the planet who still whistles at me and I applaud his appreciation for slightly older women.)
I knew I would start googling "Botox" to just see what this whole put toxins in your face thing is about. (Oh, I am so doing it.)
I knew I would not stop wearing skinny jeans or cut my hair. (Please let me know when I need to stop wearing skinny jeans and cut my hair.)
But I really did not think I would be pregnant.
My husband and I were not trying to get pregnant. I can prove that by introducing you to my four kids. And I'm not Mormon. Or an Orthodox Jew. Or someone who dreamed of having five kids.
I'm just 42 and very unexpectedly pregnant.
Because I'm very mature, I sobbed for 3 months. I thought about buying a one way ticket to Italy, renting a Vespa and hiding out on the Amalfi Coast with a handsome Italian boy toy, most likely named Giovanni. But then I realized that I wouldn't be able to drink wine, I truly love my husband and no one would know what goes into each kid's lunch.
So then I thought that I better start embracing this pregnancy. I should start feeling some gratitude because I have several friends who have desperately wanted to have another child and can't. And for some reason, this blessing has been given to me.
I love each of my four children madly. I can't believe how amazing each one is in his or her own way. And I can't believe how loud and messy they all are too. Yet, my life would be absolutely, horribly incomplete without them. And I know that I will feel exactly the same about this baby.
Years ago, I wrote a post called "Party of Five." It was about my desire to have a 3rd child and create a family of five. We were having a lot of difficulties (which apparently have been solved). So maybe I had it right. I did want a party of five. I just didn't realize who the five were exactly.
I still wake up surprised that I am pregnant. I still wonder how I am going to do this. I wonder how we are going to pay for preschools, activities and college. I wonder how I'm going to get back to Italy without abandoning my family.
But I know one thing for absolutely sure. I know I will love this little baby boy.