I'm pregnant. Just No Longer Obsessed with Pregnancy
Remember your first pregnancy? Not really? Me neither. Let's pretend we do.
I know I was obsessed with a lot of things. Like sleeping on my left side, developing a birth plan, and registering for gifts based on a list a friend had forwarded me. (I don't know who that friend was nor why she insisted I needed a gigantic high chair in my Manhattan apartment but I followed that list like I had signed a binding legal document. She must know everything! She has a baby!!)
I remember signing up for Babycenter updates so I could closely follow the development of the baby. I researched doulas and baby nurses. I listened intently and took notes at my prenatal classes. It was like I was studying for the baby SATs. My husband was not so studious. He missed the first prenatal class for a Prince concert. He's obviously a very smart guy.
Because guess what? There is no test. Well, there is - but it lasts the rest of your life. It's called parenthood and you can't really prepare for it at all. That's right. Even if you buy the recommended number of onesies, parenthood will still kick your ass some night at 3 A.M.. Guaranteed.
I'm now on my 4th pregnancy and well, I haven't signed up for those Babycenter updates. I mean, my inbox is already overflowing and I know I would never get around to reading them. Sometimes I sleep on my left side but then my husband breathes hot air in my face and well, that can't be good for anyone, so I turn over. There will be no doula or baby nurse. I've got an 8-year-old that can pretty much double as an au pair so I'll be just fine.
It's not that I don't take care of this baby inside me. I do. I'm down to a pack of cigarettes a day for gosh sakes. Okay seriously, I don't smoke. I don't drink. I limit my caffeine. It's like I'm Sandra Dee over here.
I'm just no longer obsessed with the state of being pregnant. I have four kids (the previously mentioned au pair, a 6-year-old and 2-year-old twins). These children need me all day long. And the one inside me - he comes along for the ride.
Like last weekend he went ice skating. There is no way I would have gone ice skating with my first pregnancy. I was already eating sushi in my apartment with the lights off and shades drawn so no one would see me. I would never take to the ice!
But I am a good skater and I wanted to have fun with my older daughters. And we did. I'm sure some would disapprove. But I also remember some stranger screaming at me during my first pregnancy because I was eating a frozen yogurt. Because frozen yogurt is obviously very similar to crack cocaine. It's hard to please everyone.
So no, I don't follow all the baby updates. I couldn't tell you exactly what week I'm on. But I could totally give you a ballpark figure. And I know that I don't need a gigantic high chair. You see I have this little chair that snaps right onto my kitchen bar and it's perfect. And as for my birth plan. Well, I am going to have a baby in May. That's my plan.