Jenny McCarthy is Upset Jim Carrey Stopped Spending Time With Her Son
Most of the time the blather that celebrities unleash goes in one ear and out the other. Why? Because most actors are just reading words that are written for them- so if I'm going to revere anyone and really listen to someone's opinions, it will be that of a writer as opposed to a celebrity. But Jenny McCarthy's recent admission about her ex-boyfriend Jim Carey’s behavior toward her young son piqued my interest.
Apparently McCarthy claims that Carey has made no effort to contact her autistic 10-year-old son, Evan, since their split. A little back ground here: Evan's father is actor John Mallory Asher who McCarthy divorced in 2005, however she and Carey spent five years together--five years that were crucial and a major part of her son's development, and during which time Evan must have become extremely attached to Carey. McCarthy says her son still begs for one on one time with Carey but that Carey has not responded to McCarthy's requests that he visit with her son.
So, why is this newsworthy? I think McCarthy brings up a really interesting issue that many single parents who have broken up with a boyfriend/girlfriend face, especially when their kids have formed a real bond and connection with said partner. Beverly Hills psychiatrist and author Dr. Carole Lieberman offered for her taken on this dilemma
Depending on how intense the relationship is between the ex and the child, it should be not cut off cold turkey especially if the child has emotional problems, notes Dr. Lieberman. The parent should tell the child they are not going to be a couple any more but that the significant other still cares for them. The child needs to know that they are not the ones being rejected. A plan needs to be decided upon between the two just like divorced parents need to do. If there is no contact on the part of the ex, the parent needs to contact the ex and explain that she is only thinking of her child and this is not a ploy to get back together, says Dr. Lieberman.
"In the case of McCarthy and Carey, if Evan was sitting on my couch, I would help him to understand that the reason that Jim has not been in touch with him is not because Jim does not like him any less," says Dr. Lieberman. “It is because of the hurt feelings between Jim and his mom and that makes it hard for Jim to be around them."
Of course I had to get some of my favorite moms to sound off on this and here's what they had to say:
Amy McEachern Hodges: Any time you invest yourself in the life of a child, you should consider that to be for a lifetime. If there is a bad breakup, you should try to find a way to keep in touch with the child that's acceptable to all parties. You might not be as close, but you can still check in on them and let them know you care. Children might NOT want a further relationship, but if they do, the adults should figure out a way to make it work.
Lee Reyes-Fournier: I take issue with her statement and how she made it. She is the child's mother and Jim Carey was just her boyfriend. They broke up a while ago and it seems her statement is just spiteful and not necessarily about her son. If they broke up acrimoniously then she should have no expectation that he would feel welcomed to be part of her son's life.
Teresa Olvera: I know someone who dated a woman with a child and then they broke up. He cared for that child as if that child was his own. After they broke up, the pain he felt and expressed of not being able to keep in touch with the child was heartbreaking for him and for me to hear. I think adults always need to act respectful and leave the door open for friendship and bonding. No child can have too many people that love and care for them. I understand that this would mean that adults would have to act like adults and sometimes put emotions on the back burner. It is a tricky situation indeed.
Rajean Campbell Blomquist: Tough and sad. I can only add that when the child becomes a certain age, it’s different for all, they will realize why the relationship didn't work and often come to terms with why it is for the better. Not long ago I had a heartfelt apology from my oldest as she always thought the demise of her parent's marriage fell on me because I couldn't live with her dad's imperfections.
So what do you think- should an ex boyfriend/girlfriend stay in touch with their former partner's children?