Potty Training is Not for Wimps
I brought my toddler twins to my 8-year-old's holiday concert this week. And just before the Jingle Bell Rock's started, I turned to those sweet 2-year-olds and said;
"DO NOT FORGET THAT YOU ARE WEARING UNDERWEAR. I REPEAT, DO NOT FORGET THAT YOU ARE WEARING UNDERWEAR. DO YOU HEAR ME?!!"
They nodded and thankfully remembered.
Of course, later in the day, they both pooped in their underwear but you know, who doesn't do that from time to time. Okay, none us. But I didn't want to make them feel bad about it.
Potty training is not my calling. I’m not one of those parents who enjoys a potty party where you sit inside all day, aggressively hydrating your child and putting them on the potty every 10 minutes. My idea of a party includes a babysitter, margaritas and if at all possible, a rooftop bar.
Plus, diapers are so convenient! I like my twins with their tushes all wrapped in absorbent chemical somethings — what the hell are those diapers made of anyway?
No matter. Why does everyone say with such gusto and a fist pump, “We are done with diapers!” They should just say… “A one hour drive will now take us 6 hours with bathroom breaks!”
But then I got pregnant recently and realized I simply could not afford to have three children in diapers, even with a Costco card. So I bought a big box of pull-ups and told my twins it was time to start using the bathroom. I wanted the process to go quickly. In an effort to sweeten the toilet deal, I offered them an M&M every time they peed in the potty.
And in 3 days, they were potty trained! I mean, in 3 days they were M&M addicted tyrant dictators! They would somehow manage to squeeze out two drops of pee in the potty at 15 minute intervals and demand more M&M's.
Time for a new plan. I scrapped the candy and now they get a potty high five! This new reward is much less popular.
I also now have a portable potty in my car. In case they have to go. Or in case I do. But honestly, it's mostly for them.
I know some kids sort of potty train themselves. My 2nd child Summer was a breeze. I honestly remember handing her a pack of underwear when she was a toddler and that was pretty much the end of it.
But my twins are more of a work in progress. I work. And they slowly progress.