Will I Ever Pee in Peace Again?
There is a long list of things that people were kind enough to warn me about regarding how motherhood would impact my life as I knew it - but there are a few things that I seemed to have missed the memo on.
Peeing in peace is not allowed. (See Video Above)
I really wasn’t prepared for the fact that I would never again be able to relieve myself without being interrupted.
Bathing is no longer enjoyable.
Oh, bathing…it used to be one of my favorite pastimes. Back in the day, I took for granted the simple things, like being able close the shower curtain. But now, my morning routine consists of feeding Ellie breakfast, putting on an Elmo DVD and hopping in the tub, leaving the bathroom door and shower curtain open. I fill the tub up halfway and quickly wash my hair, and myself - while Ellie comes in and out of the bathroom to check out the scene. Usually she tries to throw anything she can find in the tub with me…Winnie the Pooh, her books, the remote control to the television…before she tries to get in with me. Which is when, I get out.
Laundry mysteriously multiplies.
No one warned me about the volume of laundry produced by little people – long after they get through the explosive diapers and spit up stage. I cannot understand how there is always so much laundry to be done.
Now, that being said, as I type this, I may recall visions from my childhood of my mother always doing laundry. I mean always. And she had a whole system of lights and darks and whites and delicates, and ironing and line drying, and folding and putting away immediately after being folded, and her adherence to this routine bordered on militant. Before I had my daughter, I would, at times, make fun of my mother and her obsession with the laundry.
Now that I’m a mom, I wonder how the volume of laundry did not act as a deterrent to my parents having as many kids as they did (I have three sisters).
The list of things to do never gets done.
I have a 12-minute walk from the subway to my office and this is what the inside of my head sounds like: Get toilet paper…get ibuprofen…stop at the bank…renew passport…pay bills…get whole milk…get tampons…set up play date for Ellie…cancel dinner plans for the fourth time because you have to work late…tell nanny you have to work late…Facetime with Ellie during work because you have to work late…call grandma to thank her for your birthday present…buy Ellie socks and undershirts because she doesn’t fit into any that she has.
So on my way in and out of work, I find myself scanning the streets for any stores that may have what I need, but they can't have a long line because if I have to wait 20 minutes in a line – that role of toilet paper just went from a .99 cent purchase to a $6.99 purchase, when I factor in the additional nanny cost.
Once I cross one thing off the list, two more get added, and I suspect it will be like that for the next 21 years or so.