Black and Blue I Love You Too

For twelve years I was with a man that beat me. He beat the "Hell" out of me. I am not sure how to feel about myself.

I recently received this email when I asked a business woman to describe herself. I was thrown off. I didn't know what to write back. I was startled. It got me wondering, what is the root cause abuse? Why did she stay 12 years? Why couldn't she walk away? How did this women who meant so much to others feel so little about herself? When did she lose the fight and accept this was acceptable?

How did she triumph and find the love she deserves? She walked out. She walked across the street that once seemed miles away. She made the call that saved her life. She learned to love and be loved. She learned what a real man isn't. She learned that no matter what, it wasn't her fault.

This man wasn't made in the image of God. He wasn't the person that he pretended to be on the pulpit each week. He was the very sinner that he warned against as the walls in his place of worship riveted with his proclamations of generosity and hope for others. He wasn't a creator of dreams and a guiding force of good. He was the very devil that he spoke against.

She was a Christian woman that believed in marriage and the good times and bad. She provided what he asked and in response she received the wrath of his issues delivered with his fist and his tongue. Her redemption is she is alive and well. She is a woman who is learning to love herself daily. She's working on believing all of the things people tell her. She is taking a step forward each day. She is brave and kind and empowering as she has allowed me to further understand her. She shares her stories not for pity but to remind people that black and blue does not mean I love you. You do not hit those that love you .

What made her so different from me? I wouldn't tolerate that behavior for 12 seconds. I think the difference is how you feel about yourself. I am perfectly clear about what my expectations are and what I deserve. I feel for people who look in the mirror and do not see the gift that they are to the world. The people who see only their flaws and not their abilities. The people who have confused love for abuse.

The people who hide the black and blue in hopes of a different outcome. The difference to the outcome is you leaving. It is you packing up your stuff and getting help. It is you believing even for a second that you are better than this and taking that second and extending it for two seconds and so on and so forth. It is our ability as humans to seek comfort and love. I say seek it elsewhere.

This holiday of love. You need to love yourself enough to leave. You need to do this for yourself, your children, your family, and your friends. You need to do this so you can speak freely and act freely without having to worry about someone hurting you for having opinions. There are places to go and people who can help. This is not something you have to face alone.

You are wonderful, you are worthy and you can make a difference. You are smart enough to do this. You are powerful and have the ability to create change. You need to be reminded of what you learned in school so many years ago. Hands are for helping and not for hurting. They are for giving hugs and helping to make a difference. They are for working towards a goal and clapping when you have reached it. They are for helping others and for becoming a teacher as you share your abilities. They are for getting your bags, closing the door and moving on. You are strong, powerful and most importantly you are loved.

If you need help, love yourself enough to get it.

Here are some other resources that can help.  The Hotline and The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence