On Fearing Labor and Delivery
As labor nears I feel new and old familiar stirrings pushing their way to the surface.
Apparently they were there all along. Not handled, but set aside for later.
And yesterday after me saying just the right things and him replying with just the right things, the stirrings came pouring out like a volcano.
And oh they are so unwelcome. I want to live in a happy bubble where nothing traumatic ever happened to me. I sit in self pity and wonder how normal people think. I wonder why I feel ungrateful because I’m still working through being terrified. I don’t know how to let go.
I don’t read any other mom write or tell about this, so I wonder if it’s just me. It’s lonely here.