Strength of a Mom
"Inward calm cannot be maintained unless physical strength is constantly and intelligently replenished." --Buddha
This week I've been thinking about how strong I am. Mostly physically, but I can see the mental strength fast approaching. How can strength feel so elusive and impossible sometimes? Can't we just lift a few 5-pound weights and have the heart of a lion?
I've gone through much in my time as a mother, and having children with special needs has only added to that plate. It seems as though when things got hard and I was reduced down to just surviving, I forgot what it was like to care about myself. Sure, there was strength there to get me through the autism diagnosis, and then the second and third ones, but that strength was poured out on others instead of me. My cup was nearly empty.
I started day 1 of a new exercise plan, and that means this is my second go 'round with this intense but effective routine. I wanted to die, it was insanely hard, but I didn't give up. This workout pushes me past the point where I'd normally give up and give in. It makes me realize I can handle way more than I give myself credit for. It makes me realize that I don't push myself nearly enough.
I'm still losing weight and am down a size, but I'm considering firing the scale for saying my weight was *up* today. I know the inches are down, and I try to focus on that. I have been pushing myself, every single day, and as much as I love seeing the physical results, the change in my mind is beyond description. I feel strong again.
I'm proud of myself for finding that strength and giving it to me this time. For remembering that I deserve it too.
I've stopped making excuses for myself (and, ahem, taking them from others) and I'm getting stronger each and every day. Even if it just means that I don't let myself be weak in my own convictions, that's enough for a total life change.
I love taking care of myself...and the diet and exercise lead to other things. I'm taking more baths, taking time to really soak and de-stress. I'm taking better care of my home. And of my family. Heck even the dog is getting more of me.
When our muscles get bigger, so does our soul. Who knew?